Insomnia Notebook

The Last Zombie

2012-02-10T10:26:00.006-07:00

Do the living dead deserve the bad rap given to them by movies and popular culture?

FICTION

Feelings were strong after the story came out on the local news in February, 1976, and Tom Arthur's neighbors were incensed that for ten years he had been keeping his late brother, Roy, in a room in his basement. Someone who knew Roy had died years before called the police after he spotted him pushing a lawnmower in Tom’s front yard. Tom was arrested and Roy, being dead and yet not dead, was taken into custody. A SWAT team was dispatched to the Arthur home, where Tom was handcuffed and Roy was taken down in a show of force completely out of proportion to the situation. At least Tom thought so. Roy, who gave no resistance, was thrown to the floor and cuffed, and a spit mask put over his head lest he bite someone. The police hadn't had a zombie call in ten years. All of the living dead had been taken care of, or so it was thought. But old prejudices die hard. The SWAT team responded to Roy as they would with a raging, flesh-eating, dead-alive ghoul, a creature of the movies but not reality.

Tom called the lawyer who had handled his parents' estate. He and Tom, now free on his own recognizance, sat at a table in the prosecutor's office. Assistant DA Timpkins was reading aloud a law about the handling of a dead body.

Tom's lawyer, Sweeney, said, "Mr. Arthur—Roy—is not strictly a corpse. He can walk. The law is specific about the condition a person is in when he is dead. In that legal framework corpses don't walk."

The truth was, since the zombie episode of 1966 no one in the Pennsylvania legislature had thought to draft any special laws about zombies, because there was no problem. The incident of reanimated dead bodies was over very quickly, never to be repeated. All of the walking dead (less than half a dozen in all of Butler County, where the satellite fell to Earth, and where the radiation bringing back the recently deceased was localized) were rounded up, and the incident put away as an anomaly. Then that movie came out in ‘68, heavily fictionalizing the incident, making the undead look like a surging horde of cannibal ghouls. In 1976 when Tom Arthur was arrested the other so-called zombies were assumed to be back in their graves, but the impressions from the movie were left.

Sweeney said, "No corpse means Tom can’t be held for desecration of a corpse."

Sweeney and Timpkins argued—actually more of a debate, really—about the strict definition of what Roy was. Sweeney, giving in to the drama inherent in the situation, made a statement, as impassioned as if he were speaking to a jury. "Roy Arthur is not a person, as such. He is a human being, deceased, prepared for burial, who, despite being embalmed, walked home from the undertaking parlor under his own power the night before his funeral. The reason for him being alive in such a form is beyond our understanding. We can’t assume his animation is not the will of God! Roy has some free will to move around, but Roy’s caretaker, his brother, Tom, must tell him everything he wants him to do. Despite Roy’s reappearance going against everything we understand about death, Tom was happy to have seen him again. He loves his brother and was grief stricken Roy when died. Their parents are deceased. Tom has never married. He wants the companionship his brother provides. He takes care of him, loves him, even though Roy cannot speak or interact except at the most basic level. They live in the rundown farmhouse where they grew up. Sometimes Roy does simple tasks. He mows the lawn, for instance, and with Tom getting up there in age he appreciates his brother’s help."

The discussion went back and forth, but in the end charges against Tom Arthur were dropped, and the undead Roy Arthur, walking under his own power, got into in the cab of Tom's pickup truck to be driven home. Roy had fallen into one of those cracks in the legal system: He was legally dead but still walking like a living person. As close as the law could come, Roy was like someone in a persistent vegetative state, being kept alive by machines. Except in this case he wasn't being kept alive by machines, because he didn't need to breathe. All such human functions had ceased at the time of his death in 1966. It was enough to give the DA and all of local law enforcement a massive joint headache, and to be honest, they were glad when Roy Arthur was released. They breathed a collective sigh of relief when Tom's taillights disappeared down the road, away from the Butler County Courthouse.

Holy day for America's football religious

2012-02-08T15:32:00.007-07:00

Football in America is akin to a religion, and might have more members than any individual religious group. Super Bowl Sunday is the high holy day of this American religion, and we were all sitting in our pews at the Church of the NFL this past weekend. It was the highest rated event ever on American television. Can I get a hallelujah?

No? Well, I was being cynical. Sally and I watch football. We like the Pittsburgh Steelers (our son lives near Pittsburgh, and it is almost mandatory to be a Steelers fan). I also like the San Francisco 49ers. But we don't act like a win or loss is the apocalypse. We aren't the devout, or the zealots. Even after a bad loss by one of my teams, I've forgotten it after a few minutes and am ready to move on with my life. Not so True Believers, who, according to an article in the February 5, 2012 issue of Parade, are martyred, and actually have lower levels of testosterone after a loss by their football gods.

According to an article in the magazine by by Will Leitch, "'. . .[During the season] NFL teams play only 16 games—every one is a major event.'

"'Each game becomes the centerpiece of the week,' says Ed Hirt, a professor in the department of psychological and brain sciences at Indiana University. With so few games, 'every one can be critical to the teams potential for a playoff run, so fans have a lot of emotional investment in the outcome,'" says Adam Earnhardt . . . an expert on fan behavior.

"That investment can even cause chemical changes. 'Researchers from Georgia State University studied soccer players and extreme soccer fans and found that both groups exhibited the same increse in testosterone levels after a victory, and decrease . . . after a loss,' says Robert Cialdini, a professor of psychology and marketing at Arizona State University."

So now you know. If you can't get it up on Sunday night, it's probably because your team lost that day.

Not only do football fans worship their players and teams, but being Americans, they sing hosannas for the television commercials trotted out for the game. On Monday morning there was as much talk about what commercials scored with the viewers, as what teams scored touchdowns. Personally, I think all of this is lame. I saw some of the commercials, and my opinion was so what? The ones that scored highest with viewers I thought were stupid, and the one I liked best, the Jerry Seinfeld Acura commercial, hardly registered. That's because my tastes run counter to most people. It's something I've lived with all my life. Mea culpa, mea culpa...

(No one commented on what my testosterone levels might have looked like after the game. I rooted for the losing team.)

Here's the commercial, and if you're looking at this and seeing a black screen it's because YouTube or Acura has pulled the commercial out of circulation. Sorry.

.

Dumb jokes you can tell at a party

2012-02-07T21:15:00.004-07:00

The Italian Bride

In the 1930s a newly married Italian couple is spending their honeymoon in the bride's mother's country cottage.The bride’s father died long ago, and they don't have much money. This is the best they can do. The new bride, a lovely young woman, has never left her village and never been with a man. Her new husband sits alone upstairs while she tells her mother how nervous and scared she is.

"You don't-a worry," her mother tells her. "I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go upstairs and have-a some fun." The young woman goes upstairs and readies herself to consummate her marriage. Her husband, sitting on the bed smiling, removes his shirt. Having never seen a hairy chest before, the young bride gets frightened and runs downstairs.

"Momma! It's-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his-a chest-a."

"Calm-a down, little one," her mother says, stirring the sauce. "Everything-a gonna be-a all right. I stay here and make-a the spaghetti, you go upstairs-a and have-a some fun." So the young bride goes back upstairs.

Her new husband takes off his shoes, and pulls down his pants. Having never seen hairy legs before, she gets scared and runs back downstairs.

"Oh-a momma!" she cries. "It's-a so scary! He has-a the hair on his legs-a."

"It's-a OK," her mother says in a calming voice. "I stay here and make-a the spaghetti. You-a go upstairs and have-a some fun."

So the bride goes back upstairs. Her new husband is now wearing only his underwear and socks. She stands in the doorway, gathers herself and smiles at her groom. He sits on the bed and removes his socks. However, the man had fought in the Great War and was injured by a land mine. It blew off all his toes and part of his left foot. The new bride, knowing this is not normal, cries out in fear and runs back downstairs.

"Momma! Momma!" she screams. "It's-a so scary! Oh my god-a momma, I never seen-a anything like it before-a. You won’t believe it momma, but-a he has a foot and a half-a!"

The mother stops stirring her sauce and looks up at her daughter in disbelief. After a short pause she says, "OK, dear, don't-a worry. You stay here and make-a the spaghetti.....I go upstairs and have-a some fun."

Allie the Alligator

The bartender says, "You can't have that thing in here! Get out!"

The guy says, "It's okay, this alligator is highly trained. Just give me a few seconds and I'll show you." The bartender, intrigued, gives him the go-ahead. The man gingerly lifts the alligator up onto a table. By this point, everybody in the bar is gawking at this strange man and his pet. The man grins, looks around the room. Having a new audience, he clears his throat and says, "This is Allie the amazing alligator, and he is so well-trained that I can do this," He balls up his fist and gives the alligator a swift crack on the head.

"OPEN!" He says. The alligator opens his mouth. Before the bartender can do anything, the man unzips his fly and whips it out. He gingerly places his penis in the front of the alligator's gaping maw. He wallops the alligator once more and says "CLOSE!" And the alligator ever-so-gently closes his terrifying jaws comfortably around his cock. One last time, he raps the alligator's head and says "OPEN!" He removes his unharmed manhood, and tucks it safely back into his pants.

The crowd applauds, and he takes a bow. With all eyes still focused on him, he says, "Now, any of you guys have the balls to do that, I'll buy you a drink and give you fifty dollars." Silence falls over the bar, and everyone looks around for someone who might be willing to take the bet.

After a few endless, uncomfortable seconds, a little man in the back slowly raises his hand and says, "I'll do it, but you have to promise not to hit me so hard."

Are my testicles black?

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose. A young student nurse comes in his room to give him a partial sponge bath.

"Nurse,"' he mumbles from behind the mask, "are my testicles black?"

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, "I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet."

He struggles to ask again, "Nurse, please check for me. Are my testicles black?" Concerned that he might elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from worrying about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand and his testicles in the other. She looks very closely and says, "There's nothing wrong with them, sir. They're fine."

The man slowly pulls off his oxygen mask, and says very slowly, "Thank you very much. That was wonderful. Now listen very closely: Are-my-test-results-back?"

.

Happy birthday, Axl and Rick!

2012-02-06T09:16:00.000-07:00

Axl Rose is 50 today.

Rick Astley is 46.

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday, Alice Cooper

2012-02-04T10:50:00.001-07:00

Alice Cooper (born Vincent Damon Furnier, February 4, 1948) is 64 today.

Happy birthday, Alice!

"I killed him with my voodoo!"

2012-02-03T20:21:00.005-07:00

Yesterday I spoke with my friend and former work colleague, Brian. We talked about how our boss, Phil, died this past Labor Day of a massive heart attack. Phil was at a national park with his granddaughters, felt ill, went to a trash barrel and vomited, then sat on a bench and died.

I told Brian, "You know, I tried to kill Phil once with a voodoo kit that Sherry (another coworker) gave me one year for my birthday." I told the story here.

Brian said, "Well, your voodoo might have worked. That was about the time he started having problems." Phil had health issues and went in for a heart operation in January, 2010.

Well! That news made me feel kind of...weird. Not guilty, because officially I don't believe in voodoo. When I did my voodoo ceremony to bring about the very heart attack that later felled him, I'm sure I never for a moment really believed it would work.

But, my natural skepticism aside, what if it did? What if I sent a voodoo curse to Phil? Rather than dropping him that moment like a falling tree, it took its time, worked its way through his system, until, by god, in a couple of years the curse killed him!

The cops can't prove it, and the voodoo kit is long gone. I've disposed of that evidence. Besides, is murder by curse the same as up-close-and-personal murder? I don't believe there's a law against placing a curse. So, even though I'm confessing, I won't spend a minute in jail.

Be careful around me. Don't piss me off. Those voodoo kits are available in fine novelty stores everywhere, and you will ever know if the cause of your sudden pain or even death is because I'm sticking pins into a doll and chanting your name.

.

Happy birthday Graham Nash and Tommy Smothers

2012-02-02T11:39:00.001-07:00

Tommy Smothers is 75 today.

Graham Nash is 70 today.

Happy birthday to both of you!

.

"Your money belt's too tight."

2012-02-01T06:03:00.005-07:00

So Mitt Romney finally scored a victory. This time in Florida, a state so unique it has two time zones and a diverse and ethnically mixed population. I really don't know what Romney's win tells us, but it's a checkmark in the W column for the rich guy.

The New Yorker has some funny cartoons about rich people, which seem pertinent to the conversation. These three are from 1954, but rich is rich in any era. The cartoonists are masters Chas Addams, Peter Arno and Whitney Darrow. My feeling is that cartooning is not only a lonely life—working alone in a studio drawing funny pictures is a deadly serious business—and cartoonists have to work so hard at their craft, they like poking fun at the privileged 1%.

Lately I've been going through the New Yorker archives, specifically 1954 (a year chosen at random), and downloading cartoons I like. I am a New Yorker subscriber, so I'm allowed to go back through every issue ever published. The pages are scanned so low rez that producing anything worth showing is a chore. I blow them up and tweak them with my editing software. I've even had to re-set the captions. The New Yorker font is Caslon A, which they have used for the whole history of the magazine. That font costs money, so I use a font that is similar, the close-but-not-quite Century Schoolbook.

I have the book, The Complete Cartoons of The New Yorker, with every cartoon published up until the book was published, but have the same problem with the cartoons on DVD. I believe many of the cartoons are genuine works of art, and the low resolution scanning diminishes them.

On the other hand, I believe the magazine is doing us all a favor by scanning all their back issues, even with the low resolution. It gave me a chance to read "The Secret Life Of Walter Mitty" in its first printing from the March 18, 1939 issue, for instance.

All cartoons Copyright © 2011, 1954 The New Yorker

.

Three by three

2012-01-31T05:43:00.008-07:00

Sally and I went antiquing last Friday. She found some great old children's valentines, and then we went through a couple of boxes of old snapshots.

I find other people's photos to be like tiny time machines, taking us into the past. They seal that exact time, person and place on a piece of paper. Pretty neat. In another way it's sad. So many pictures of children, and you wonder how they got away from their rightful owners. While I'm looking at a picture of a baby without a name, that baby was very important to someone else. The people to whom these pictures meant something are gone. Their earthly goods made it to an estate sale, and then into the hands of strangers.

For some reason, and she probably didn't realize it, Sally picked out pictures of threes. Three little girls (date on the back says 1923), three women in beautiful hats (no date, but probably sometime in the late teens or early '20s), and a toddler, with a mother and new baby (dated 1916).

Are these girls sisters?

These three are related; they have the same nose.

Is this child a boy, dressed Buster Brown fashion?

Bad blood

2012-01-29T21:10:00.007-07:00

In 1972 news of a long-term medical experiment, conducted by the Public Health Service since the early 1930s on black sharecroppers from Alabama, became public. The Tuskegee Experiment, as it's called, gave medical "treatment" to African-American men with syphilis. The true meaning of the study was kept from the men. Its goal was to conduct autopsies on them after they died, to see the results of damages caused by this sexually transmitted disease. They were given free treatment for something called "bad blood." Doctors in the experiment did not try to cure the syphilis, even after penicillin was discovered.

You can read more about it here.

Ten years before that I read an article about a propaganda movie from the Soviet Union, which had something of the same idea. At the time It was derided as an outrageously untrue portrait of American society and science. The 1954 article about the movie, Silvery Dust, in LIfe, was in a stack of old magazines I found about 1961 in the library of my junior high school. At the time, like Life, I thought a plot involving black men for a medical experiment (in this case, being falsely accused of rape, and then used as guinea pigs for a killer radioactive dust), could not possibly happen in America. We were a lot more patriotic in those days—jingoistic. really—and more trusting of our government and its motives.

Life treats the Soviet movie strictly as hate-filled anti-American propaganda. On the other hand, unknown at the time to Life or the film's Russian producers, some of its ideas were being carried out in the U.S. by a government department.

The USSR had a history of murdering its citizens for various reasons, mostly political, but the U.S. was supposed to be above that. At least we were taught that in school. Something they didn't tell us at the time was what the effects of open air testing of nuclear devices was doing to citizens downwind. The Atomic Energy Commission is quoted, "Fallout does not constitute a serious hazard outside the test site." The AEC was well aware of the results from Hiroshima and Nagasaki, and knew that statement was a lie. Sometimes what is done in the name of national security causes some folks much less security. In this case it was the people of Southern Utah, who were exposed. The bombs weren't set off until the prevailing winds blew in the right direction, over a "low yield" segment of the population, Nevada and Utah.

These are the sorts of things that make citizens fear and mistrust their government, the basis for conspiracy theories. There are plenty of conspiracy theories to go around. The U.S. government figures into most of them. While I'm a skeptic on grand, far-reaching conspiracies, it chills me to think what if? What if conspiracy theorists of the past had screamed that the government was conducting inhumane medical experiments on African-American males, or that open air testing was done to make Southern Utah residents guinea pigs for radiation testing? Would anyone have believed them?

.

Mulling over Mitt's millions

2012-01-26T09:26:00.012-07:00

"I'm the 1%!"

Mitt Romney released his tax return and there were no surprises. He pays about 13.9% in taxes, whereas the working poor in our country pay more like 30%. Republicans are hanging on to these tax breaks until their fingertips are bloody. What I can't believe is that many poor and middle class people still support Republicans and their billionaire buddies. They have fallen for the canard that rich people who get even richer = more jobs for poorer people. It wasn't true when Reagan said it, and still isn't true thirty years later.

Mitt doesn't work in the sense you and I work. He collects money. Mitt made a point to say that he didn't inherit his wealth. But his dad was the CEO of a major corporation in the 1960s, American Motors, and Mitt grew up with money. He learned early on how to exploit, how to make himself wealthier. A commentator said that Mitt's income works out to $47,000 a day, more than the great majority of working people earn in a year.

"Of course I don't know how much money I have. It comes in faster than I can count."

When Mitt tries to sound like a man of the people he can't, because every time he talks that silver spoon he was born with gets in the way of his tongue. He has no common touch because he hasn't associated with common people. He sounds like a rich person trying to convince us lesser mortals he's less than he is, the top 1% of the 1%-ers.

After writing a couple of early drafts of this post I watched an NBA basketball game to get my mind off politics. It didn’t work. I was watching a bunch of really tall millionaires running up and down a court throwing a ball at a hoop. Even the NBA minimum salary is about ten years of a working person's earnings. These financial realities are true across professional sports in America. Athletes who have been given the double gifts of good genes and skill can earn staggering amounts of money. Ball players will justify this by saying their careers are short, and that's true. But our careers are long and they still don't even out. I'd like to see someone like LeBron James or Kobe Bryant play for $50,000 a year, minus endorsements. Would they still excel, or just gripe about their wages while worrying how they're going to pay their mortgage and still buy food or shoes for the kids, and god help them if anyone in the family gets sick.

Bryant earned $24.8M in the 2010-11 season; James lagged behind him with a paltry $14.5M.

But in sports big money comes with close scrutiny. In a pro ballplayer's career everything he does is recorded. If I were doing my job with thousands of people watching every move I made, and had other people on the sidelines keeping track of my statistics I'd be very nervous. In that way I was lucky in my job. I got to be responsible for myself for thirty years. Only occasionally did I have to answer for anything I did. And Mitt probably didn't have to answer for much, either. As long as everyone was making money who would want to ask where the money was coming from? The only questions would be is this all? and where can I get more?

"Stop asking me questions I don't want to answer!"

Romney finds his feet being held to a very hot fire. When he wouldn't release his taxes he was criticized for hiding something. When he did release his taxes he was criticized for how much money he has, and how he holds on to it at the expense of other American taxpayers. Sorry 'bout that, Mitt! It's the way of politics, but not the way of CEO's. They have to answer only to shareholders. They feel privileged, and don't like anyone asking intrusive questions of them. Mitt is especially brittle when asked these types of questions. He wants to say it’s nobody’s business but his, but of course it’s our business to examine closely the people who want to be President.

The Republican candidates bicker amongst themselves as to who is more conservative. It's all just eyewash. What they are really doing is trying to hold onto a status quo where the rich keep taking out of the system while others pay into it. There isn’t the thickness of a dollar bill between their philosophies. Why their supporters and members of the Republican Party—most of whom are decidedly not rich—go along with this is beyond me. Maybe they're just hoping if they get close enough to a candidate like Mitt some of his skills with money will rub off.

.

More mugs

2012-01-25T09:09:00.016-07:00

I read recently that Internet pornography is addictive. Well, duh.

My addiction is mugshots. Since I found the mugshot of my former coworker, shown here, my "porn" is the local mugshots web site. I look each morning to see if anyone else I know has been busted. So far, no. But when it comes to interesting characters this site is arresting, and puts the cuffs on me. I go along quietly.

I thought the two pictures of Jessica sent a message, so I pasted them together. Before and after pictures of drug users can be scary and effective. In her January, 2011 bust Jessica was arrested for possession of a controlled substance; in the July arrest she was charged with prostitution and possession of heroin. It's an old, old story. No sarcasm here...I hope she's getting the help she needs.

I saw several people who were arrested and charged more than once in 2011. This man, for instance. He's either defiant or stupefied in the first picture, and putting my own interpretation of his look in the second, it's a kind of, "Oh shit. Here we go again" expression .

e

This nice-looking young man is an example of escalating antisocial behavior. In his June arrest he was charged with assault, in August he had graduated to murder.

You wouldn't think someone with an angel face like this would show up on a mugshot. She was charged with aggravated assault (defined as use of a weapon which may cause serious bodily injury or death) and domestic violence in front of a child.

It's no surprise that men arrested outnumber women by at least two or three to one, but driving drunk or impaired isn't restricted to males.

I always wonder about a person who wears his crime on his shirt. Weedman is charged with failure to comply with a police officer.

This man, who is mugging for his mug shot, was arrested for murder and obstructing justice. He killed a 20-year-old road construction worker he hit on the freeway, then drove home, where he was arrested the next day.

Facial hair is in, in all different styles. I like the retro-Buffalo Bill and Wyatt Earp look for these two.

I hardly know how to define these looks. The top guy's hair looks like a helmet, and the offender below him looks like lavender Jesus.

More lavender. This oldster was arrested for robbery. All you need is love, brother!

The gaping holes in this young man's ears are hideous. I will never understand self-mutilation like this, which seems almost criminal. It's not a crime, but forgery and possession of drug paraphernalia are. The ear holes could give other prisoners a finger-hold when administering a beatdown.

Finally, these styles are unique, but appear silly on what are otherwise two very tough-looking thugs.

All booking photos are part of the public record. I have deliberately left off names for the sake of privacy--mine. I don't want any of these people looking for me.

.

"They call him Colt...Colt .45..."

2012-01-23T10:58:00.011-07:00

I found this beautiful Colt Firearms brochure from last year, promoting the one hundredth anniversary of the Colt .45 automatic model of 1911.

The last time I shot a gun was in 1968, at a rifle range in Germany, qualifying as a requirement for my job as a soldier in the U.S. Army. My memory is hazy on the event, except that with the M-14 rifle I did OK, but with the .Colt .45 1911 model I was pathetic, missing the target with every round. (To be fair to me, I'd never fired it before.)

Fast forward several years, and I'm working with many men who have guns, and actively buy, sell and trade guns. I got a reputation for being anti-gun, which was unfair. What I was really against was idiocy, which included grown men bringing large caliber guns to work, waving them around, acting like little boys playing with toy guns. One day I walked into the office and a fellow employee laughed and pointed a shotgun at me. (Coincidentally, that employee was later fired, and my boss was sure he was the type of person who would come back with that shotgun and shoot everyone. It didn't happen, thank god.) After several incidents of people around the nation being gunned down at work, my employer banned firearms from the premises, but by then it had stuck that I was "anti-gun."

I believe people should be able to own guns as long as the rounds fired can't stop an Army tank, and especially as long as they don't point a gun at me. I own a couple of guns, a .22 target pistol and a Colt single action .22 revolver, which my father bought in 1961 as a collectible. I still have it in the original box. Here's a picture:

Colt is an old company. It was 175 years old in 2011, founded in 1836 by Samuel Colt, who is featured in this little factoid from a 1948 crime comic book.

The brochure does a beautiful job picturing Colt's various firearms, and even includes 2011's version of the pistol my father bought 51 years ago, the single action. I notice it's no longer available in .22 caliber.

They have a page of history on the 1911 model. John Browning designed it and Colt built it. (Browning has a firearms museum fifty miles from me in Ogden, Utah. I visited it a few years ago.)

They have a page on the 2011 collectible versions of the famous automatic.

They also have a page touting a gun popular with criminals. The 1903 Pocket Hammerless, which was designed for Colt by John Browning. Apparently the 2011 Colt Firearms Company is proud of that small gun having gained its reputation by being carried by Al Capone, or used by Bonnie Parker to break Clyde Barrow out of jail. How many people got killed in juke joints on Saturday nights by the Pocket Hammerless isn't mentioned, but I'm sure it was more than a few. While I admire the Colt company for keeping itself in business for over 175 years, and appreciate the contributions they've made to American gun culture, I wonder about any company taking pride in helping criminals.

I probably don't need to go into any kind of rant about a gun's obvious design, which is to kill. I wanted to mention, though, how sexy guns are. All jokes about phallic symbols aside, a gun introduces a whole new level to sex appeal, especially in a babe's hand.

Colt .45 was a TV series from 1957-1960. It was like free advertising for Colt. It probably helped sales.

.

What's the reality in reality shows?

2012-01-19T09:29:00.015-07:00

I'm not generally a fan of reality shows. I've never seen Survivor or The Bachelor or any of those programs. I do have a penchant for shows with junk, so I like Pawn Stars and American Pickers on History Channel, and I'm a big fan of Storage Wars on A&E. Just the original Storage Wars, not the imitators that have popped up.

The question is, how much "reality" is actually shown in reality shows? I think they're all staged to at least a degree. Anytime you introduce cameras you change the situation, because everyone is distracted from the business at hand, thinking of how they look on TV. American Pickers has been staged. The episode where Mike and Danielle went picking while Frank was supposed to be watching the store but instead headed for Sturgis, South Dakota and the big annual biker rally, was ridiculous. Those guys can't pull it off because they aren't that good as actors. I also doubted the episode with Jack White of the White Stripes and especially the episode with William Shatner. It makes for good entertainment, but not much reality.

Storage Wars has some engaging "stars," who seem like people you'd know. Dave Hester is an entrepreneur, a villain, kind of a shark.

Boooooooo, hisssss!

Darrell Sheets is your neighbor with the cars in his yard, tinkering with them on Sunday, drinking beer and having barbecues.

Darrell with his classic tank-top, and hairy shoulders.

Brandi Passante and Jarrod Schulz are the young couple trying to make a go of it with their second-hand store.

Jarrod's last name is Schulz. Any relation to Charles Schulz, Jarrod?

Jarrod is a hip guy, wearing the stubble-haircut, baggy shorts look (which will look awfully funny twenty years from now, trust me, Jarrod). I admit to having a thing for Brandi, a busty, attractive young woman. Even if she weren't on the show I'd stare at her if I saw her in the grocery store. I like her smart-aleck attitude, too.

I think Brandi looks great with her hair in bangs, but can ruin the effect with those huge sunglasses. As you can see by the official A&E portrait, Brandi has pretty brown eyes.

Barry Weiss is my special favorite, with his dry, wisecracking style, reminiscent, as one reviewer put it, of Jack Nicholson.

I guessed Barry Weiss was a porn producer. He has the look of a dirty old man. He rides up to the show in various fancy cars, which means he has money. (Some sources say about $7M.) I found out through a little research (OK, I googled his name) that he made his money in produce—not porn—but fruits and vegetables. Damn. I felt cheated. He and his brother ran a produce company until Barry retired a few years ago. Since he's the only one of the bidders not in it for the money he makes some interesting choices of what to bid for. I can relate to Barry because he's a collector, and so am I. But he's also a character, and has emerged as a genuine star. I can see Barry in movies, playing parts Dennis Farina usually plays.

A picture of Barry with his skeleton gloves, so familiar to viewers, and a non-familiar picture that surfaced of Barry from the 1980s. It answers a question of mine as to why Barry is friends with musicians like Stewart Copeland of the Police. He ran his produce business by day, and maybe he ran with the rock crowd at night.

Part of the appeal to me of American Pickers is the relationship between the business partners, Mike and Frank, but I really perk up when they show their store manager, Danielle. Danielle Cushman is a burlesque artist called Dannie Diesel. She's got tattoos (normally a turnoff for me), and frankly, she's hot in a zaftig kind of way, not a Hollywood kind of way. I must have a weakness for women who make sarcastic remarks.

My wife reminded me of the episode where Danielle and Mike went picking that Danielle used her eyes to get what she wanted from a guy.

I have one more thing to say about these shows, because they always hinge on how much things cost, and what they're worth. Having been in the selling and buying end of the collector market I can tell you one absolute law of collectibles. THEY ARE WORTH WHAT SOMEONE IS WILLING TO PAY FOR THEM. Not a penny more or less. The shows have inflated how people think, that even the most common items from the past have some value, which they don't. I don't like the way they say some item they paid $50 for is "worth" $5,000. I want to see them sell it to someone for $5,000, or what they can get for it. Then those pronouncements of worth will have some validity.

Now that's the reality in these reality shows.

.

Happy birthday, Betty, Steve and Mick

2012-01-17T23:59:00.002-07:00

Betty White is 90 today.

Steve Earle is 57 today.

Mick Taylor is 64 today.

Ronnie Wood sings lead on this blues number, with Mick standing to his right. It's amazing to see all those Rolling Stones without Jagger and Richards!

Happy Birthday, all.

.

Mugged!

2012-01-17T08:04:00.014-07:00

Since I regularly look at a web site for local mugshots, it was inevitable that sooner or later I'd find a picture of someone I know.

Lou was a coworker of mine for many years. My wife and I were both surprised to see him arrested for aggravated assault. He was a very nice guy, as far we were concerned. The last time I saw him was in June at a retirement function for a mutual acquaintance. It's hard to miss Lou, because his appearance is unusual. The picture cuts off his braided mustaches which he has been growing for years.

Aggravated assault is defined as using a weapon that can cause death or serious bodily harm. I wonder what he did? Too bad they don't give more detailed explanations, if only to satisfy curiosity.

I sometimes download mug shots if they provoke some sort of response in me.

If not for drugs and alcohol the cops' jobs would be cut by three-fourths. An awful lot of people end up being booked into jail on charges of DUI, public intoxication, or having drugs in their possession. The following four gents were all booked for drugs. In these cases, methamphetamines.

This guy looks like he's watching something horrible climb up the wall. Hallucinations are another good reason to stay away from dope.

There are always those that when caught try to resist arrest by fighting. As these booking photos show, they usually get the worst of it.

Fighting is undoubtedly how young man's hair got this way. I can't imagine anyone wearing their hair like this on purpose, but that's just me.

Women are usually booked for drugs, prostitution (to buy drugs) or for shoplifting (ditto). These two are in for shoplifting, and their faces give me pause. I'd think if I were committing retail theft I'd want to fly under the store radar, not make myself noticeable. Wouldn't you notice either of these women if they walked by you in the grocery store? Wouldn't they tend to be noticed stuffing items into their pants? And it goes without saying that a tattoo on the face makes for easy identification.

Occasionally mugshots remind me of other things. For this guy I'm thinking Rasputin.

I've found pictures for these guys as visual aids of what they bring to mind.

This guy was arrested for trespass. No wonder Santa never made it to my house. He was in jail.

.

Happy birthday, Jim Stafford

2012-01-16T09:51:00.000-07:00

Jim Stafford, comedian and songwriter, is 68 today.

Happy birthday, Jim!

.

Outed! Salt Lake City named "Gayest City" by The Advocate

2012-01-11T10:53:00.009-07:00

John Amaechi was the first NBA player to come out as gay. He played for the Utah Jazz from 2001 to 2003, and in his book, Man In the Middle, described Salt Lake City as "the hippest, gayest place east of San Francisco."

Having read Amaechi's remarks in 2007, I wasn't too surprised that five years later the Advocate magazine listed Salt Lake City as "America's Gayest City." You can read about it in this article, Salt Lake City 'Gayest' City in America.

Many of us who live in Utah have the same stereotypes outsiders have of the state. Utah is full of pious Mormons who don't drink (no liquor, not even coffee or tea), don't smoke, don't curse and don't fornicate. The truth is that Utah, while 57% LDS in population, has lots of different types of folks, with lots of different lifestyles.

Okay, so here's my lifestyle: boring, non-LDS straight guy in his mid-sixties. I know virtually nothing of the side of my hometown described by Amaechi or The Advocate. As more gay people have come out it's been a continuing education process, not just for me, but for society in general.

Something I've known about this area is that it's considered a problem when young gay men go on Mormon missions and don't come back with the idea of getting married and starting a family. Although many returned missionaries do just that, it's still a stereotype. The truth is many gay people go on missions, then come back and face a dilemma. They can continue to live a lie or come out and be stigmatized by their community. I don't know how many articles I've read in the last few years about the lives of gay people in the LDS religion, and how old prejudices are used against them.

Speaking of old prejudices, in this 1952 magazine, Gays are "made, not born." "Homos are tragic cases, [and] should be treated as such." No wonder no one wanted to come out in that dark and unenlightened era.

Some years ago I read an article about advertising and gays. In the article an example was given of a New York Toyota dealership's ad showing two men talking to a salesman about a car. What wasn't apparent to the larger population was what gay people recognized immediately, and the dealership found gay couples increased their business. Why would any business turn away customers, especially customers with disposable income?

These 1940's ads seem gay to me, by accident or design.

From Life, April 23, 1945:

Life, November 17, 1947:

.

Happy birthday, Donald Fagen

2012-01-10T16:03:00.000-07:00

Donald Fagen is 64 today.

Happy birthday!

.

Simple Magic Tricks

2012-01-07T09:55:00.013-07:00

Amaze and amuse, astound and confuse.

These are some (very) simple magic tricks which can be easily learned. Wow your friends at a party or at work!

Now practice, practice, practice!

.

The Flying Saucer crashes and burns

2012-01-05T09:16:00.012-07:00

I don't have much tolerance for bad movies (unlike some movie lovers, who relish low budgets and cheesy acting), but worse than bad is boring. The Flying Saucer, released in 1950, is both.

The movie is chiefly known as being the first feature film about the subject of flying saucers, which had been much in the news since first being reported by pilot Kenneth Arnold in June, 1947. Since that time there have been theories on the origins of the flying disks, which include U.S. or foreign secret weapons, Nazi-created craft, and spaceships from another planet. Within those basic theories are many sub-theories, which can include just about anything true believers care to imprint on the whole phenomenon.

Over 60 years since The Flying Saucer was released no one is really any closer to solving the mystery. To my satisfaction, that is. I know there are many people who can tell you “exactly” what a UFO is, since they have it all worked out in their heads.

The Flying Saucer begins with the image of a screaming old woman, who quickly moves off camera and is never seen again. This is an omen for what we're about to see, a scream of frustration at the story and the acting. Mikel Conrad, who is not Michael Conrad of Hill Street Blues fame, is the writer, director and star. So blame him.

Chain smoker/playboy Mike Trent (Conrad) is sent to Alaska with lovely CIA agent Vee Langley (Pat Garrison). Her name is probably a joke: “Vee” could stand for Virginia: Virginia Langley being Langley, Virginia, home of the CIA. Ho-ho. They're looking for Russian spies and a flying saucer capable of dropping atom bombs on American cities. Mike and Vee go to a cabin in the woods, near Juno, where some Russians operate some fishing boats. Mike asks the suspicious-looking cabin caretaker, Hans, if he's “seen any Russian spies lately.” Ho-ho again. Hans is himself a spy.

A romance (yawn) develops between Mike and Vee; Mike goes from bar to bar in Juno looking for information. He gets drunk. He fights. Vee gets menaced by a bear and asks Hans (who had been stalking her with a rifle to kill her and decided it would be better to let the bear do the dirty work) if bears are dangerous. Yes, Vee, and they shit in the woods, too.

The movie has long stretches of stock footage of the Alaskan wilderness. I'm not sure if Mikel Conrad decided to just use a bunch of footage because he thought the scenery was so pretty, or hoped no one would notice he was padding a 20-minute story into 90 minutes. I had to use the fast forward button to get past the Alaskan travelog.

Another weakness (besides the acting, writing and direction) is that the flying saucer itself is shown only a couple of times in flight. It went by so fast I couldn't lock on any of the images to get a screen capture. We're talking a couple of seconds at the most. Later in the movie we're shown the “real” flying saucer, a crudely constructed prop with a cockpit.

I hope I'm not spoiling anything by telling you the flying saucer of the story was a man-made device, not from outer space. The DVD package shamelessly uses a tag line, “Have we visitors from outer space?” The dull-witted characters in the movie never mention outer space. The CIA assumes the flying saucer is from Russia, the Russians know it isn't, and want it.

The DVD is part of the Wade Williams collection. Some people think Williams is a huckster who has claimed public domain movies as his own. I have mixed feelings about this.On the one hand he's made many B-movies available (a paranoid classic like Invaders From Mars, for instance), but on the other hand he's released movies that should have been buried years ago. I don't think the world would have been deprived of anything had prints of The Flying Saucer disappeared, or barring that, never released on DVD 60 years later. I would have had a couple hours of my life back, for sure.

Despite that I at least got a kick out of this card from the movie's trailer. You know if True magazine says flying saucers are real, they must be real.

.

Happy birthday, Michael Stipe and Patty Loveless

2012-01-04T09:29:00.000-07:00

Patty Loveless is 55 today.

Michael Stipe of R.E.M. is 52 today.

Happy birthday to both of you.

Life looks at advertising

2012-01-02T09:55:00.014-07:00

After my recent posting of Bad Ads and Christmas advertising, I found this five-page spread in the January 2, 1950 issue of Life, giving a look at the ads of an era old even to Life readers of 62 years ago.

All images Copyright © 2012 Time-Life, Inc.

They mention pretty girls being used to sell, which is nothing new, since they were used in every issue by Life advertisers. In many issues Life may have had as many advertising pin-ups as most girly magazines had cheesecake photos.

Norman Mingo's Mennen ads stood out for their beauties. A few years later Mingo got another kind of fame by creating the painted portrait of Alfred E. Neuman for Mad, and contributed some of the greatest covers ever of that magazine.

Even GE got in on the act, selling light bulbs with a World War II-era cutey.

Starlets, in this case Virginia ("hold the") Mayo, were great for pushing products.

Esquire Socks used a sort of sexy double-entendre in their ads, which equated men's socks to a man's sex appeal. Personally, I've never seen any female get excited by guy's socks, but it worked in advertising.

DuPont got a whole lot of mileage selling their product, nylon, which has many uses, with pictures of nylon stockings on pretty girls. I personally feel there is much more sex appeal to a pair of nylons on shapely female legs than socks on sweaty masculine feet.

Will you still love them tomorrow?

2012-01-01T15:28:00.001-07:00

Happy New Year, everybody.

My son sent me an MP3 of Amy Winehouse's version of "Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow." This is a classic song by the Brill Building geniuses, Gerry Goffin and Carole King, originally recorded by the Shirelles in 1960. It made the Rolling Stone list of 500 Greatest Songs. It was banned by some radio stations because it was "sexually charged," but what I hear in the song is a girl plaintively asking a sweet-talking guy she likes, if she sleeps with him tonight how's he going to feel about her in the morning? I find the live version of the Shirelles singing it in 1964 to be a bit uptempo for the theme expressed in the song.

Of the four versions I've included here, I find Lorrie Morgan's the closest to how I think the song should be expressed, and that even includes the version by the song's co-writer, Carole King.

This is actually a different version than the one my son sent me, included on Winehouse's posthumous album, Lioness. The version from the album is very dramatic, with a military-sounding drum tattoo throughout the song, which I think is an odd choice by the producer. Amy Winehouse will probably be remembered, like Janis Joplin, for a short playlist in a short life. The cynical old adage is, "Death was a good career move," and for some artists it creates a mystique or aura around their memory.

.

Bad ads

2011-12-30T16:45:00.010-07:00

I've been cleaning off my desk. The postcard which arrived from AARP, the American Association for Retired Persons, touting a supplemental medical policy for those of us about to enter the Medicare jungle, triggered a response in me.

WTF?

It took a while before I realized what it meant is that oftentimes the best medical policy is...errrr....hiding...errrr....is a mouse in your walls. OK, so maybe I don't quite get it, and I've been looking at advertising all my life. I studied advertising decades ago. The idea is to make an association in someone's mind with the product, make him want to go right out and buy it. This is a funny, eye-catching picture, but it doesn't make me think of meeting my needs with supplemental insurance.

Make sure you click on it to enlarge it.

Going through some old issues of The New Yorker magazine, I noticed these odd advertisements from two 1959 issues.

The first, for Hanes, is totally screwball. A man about to shoot himself because his wife wants nylon stockings from Hanes? Jeez, pal, no need to over-react. They're available in fine department stores everywhere.

The second is this ad for the 1959 Ford Thunderbird. It's not the full-size car with the affluent, happy waving couples, it's the tiny car with the adult man and woman waving back. It startled me when I saw they were not children.

The ads all fail for various reasons, yet in their way make me look twice or more at each of them. Maybe that's enough for the people selling the products.

The ads shown below for patent medicines, from an 1888 issue of Golden Argosy magazine, are all good examples of why the United States government eventually passed the Pure Food and Drug Act, and began policing ads touting quackery.

I especially like the first ad and its vivid descriptions of complaints: "Are you hawking and spitting all or part of the time? Are you nervous, irritable and gloomy? Do you have evil forebodings? Do your bowels become costive?" Just send to Prof. Hart, in New York, and get "one bottle of medicine FREE."

Hood's Sarsparilla will cure Scrofula, which covers a list of "'humors,' which fastening upon the lungs, causes consumption [tuberculosis] and death." I wouldn't want scrofula, so send me that sarsparilla. "100 doses One Dollar." Catchy slogan.

Compare Hood's to Piso's Cure for Consumption, which is a cough syrup. It doesn't list the ingredients, but it's probably narcotic/opium-based. As a matter of fact, so is Prof. Hart's "one bottle of medicine FREE."

Finally, a Cure for the Deaf! Man, I need this right now. Either that or my wife needs a megaphone, or mike and amplifier to speak through so I can understand her.

.

The Outfit

2011-12-28T21:58:00.010-07:00

The Outfit, the 1973 movie starring Robert Duvall, Karen Black and Joe Don Baker, was taken--at least in part--from the novel of the same name by Richard Stark. Stark was a pseudonym of Donald Westlake, whose crime novels (The Hot Rock, etc.) are noted for their humor. Stark was a name aptly chosen by Westlake, because there isn't much humor in the deadly serious series of crime novels (of which The Outfit was number three) starring the heist man, Parker.

In the movie Duvall is named Macklin. Why they changed the name I don't know. That's the way of Hollywood, though, as well as aping a successful formula. I believe The Outfit was made on the coat-tails of The Getaway, a similarly themed story, released the preceding year and starring Steve McQueen and Ali McGraw. That successful movie was filmed from a Jim Thompson novel.

Karen Black is Macklin's girlfriend, Bett Harrow, who makes me wonder why women end up with bad guys like Macklin. The whole movie is one robbery after another, with violent retribution against a criminal gang who had stolen from Macklin. She's in constant danger not only from the people he is up against, but he treats her bad, even slapping her around at one point. Like a woman with Stockholm Syndrome she stays with the psychopath, and pays the ultimate price.

The Outfit has several recognizable character actors, but mainly in cameos. Elisha Cook Jr. and Archie Moore are two. Marie Windsor, with Black in the above screen capture, has a brief scene. Richard Jaeckel has a short but juicy part, as does Sheree North, as Jaeckel's slutty sister-in-law. North provides the one sex scene when she attempts to seduce Cody, played by Baker. She comes out onto the porch in a translucent top and we get a little peek at her nipples. I wonder if that thrilled anybody in 1973?

There's a brief scene with actor Henry Jones, whose familiar face and voice were everywhere in the 1960s and '70s, both in television and the movies.

Robert Ryan's days as a leading man were behind him. He played the head of the Outfit, and also received a fitting end.

As I mentioned, Macklin and Cody are bad guys, but heroes to the audience, rooting for them to get the even badder guys, the members of the organized crime gang. Macklin and Cody even kill two highway patrolmen, as well as several other people in one memorable scene. At the end of the movie [SPOILER ALERT!] they drive off in a stolen ambulance, laughing. As Cody puts it, "Sometimes the good guys win!" Yep, good guys who are also sociopathic, conscienceless killers and woman beaters, but hey, nobody's perfect, eh?

It's been almost 40 years since The Outfit was made, and several of the actors are now deceased. Ryan died in 1973, Sheree North in 2005. Richard Jaeckel died in 1997 at age 70. Marie Windsor died in 2000, Henry Jones the year before, in 1999. Elisha Cook Jr. died at the advanced age of 91 in 1995. Another of the character actors in the movie was Felice Orlandi, who died in 2003 at age 78. Orlandi might not be remembered by name, but by his handsome face. He was also in 1955's Killer's Kiss, directed by Stanley Kubrick, and in the Steve McQueen classic, Bullitt, in 1967. The lead actors in the movie are still living, but getting up there in age. Robert Duvall was born in 1931, Karen Black in '39, and Joe Don Baker in '36.

.

Chri$tma$ adverti$ing, 1950

2011-12-24T16:48:00.019-07:00

I've been reading this Time magazine commemorative book for 1950 (which actually came out in 1999).

At Christmastime, 1950, United States soldiers and marines had been in a bloody rout. The Chinese, in human waves of shouting, shooting troops, had repelled our forces, and forced them into retreat. It was bitter cold, and a bitter failure for the armed forces. Despite bloody warfare, advertisers in the U.S. needed to sell products, so advertising went on its cheery way, despite the gloom surrounding that winter.

Christmas is for kids, and American toy manufacturers wanted to remind parents to buy toys made in America. Nowadays the companies listed in five page advertisement who are still in existence have their toys made in China.

Sex, and the promise of it, is a big seller at Christmas.

General Electric wanted to make sure you bought plenty of appliances that ran on electricity, including that new-fangled gadget, the television, which despite being on the market for a few years, was still in its infancy. (We got our first TV in 1950, and I remember it well.)

There are ads for hobbyists or budding pros, too. Photographers would have loved to have gotten their hands on Graflex equipment. So, Merry Christmas, shutterbugs.

In 1950 you could buy beautiful pens as gifts. They still have them, but how many people actually write by hand anymore? Oy, you should see my handwriting nowadays after using a computer keyboard for 20 years. Before that I used a typewriter from the mid-1960s until I got my first computer in 1992. The most expensive pen in the world will still make me seem a drooling illiterate when it exposes my atrocious penmanship.

I thought of a slogan for this C.F. Rumpp and Sons leather wallet: "Put your Rumpp next to your rump!" I checked to see if C.F. Rumpp and Sons was still in business, but I don't believe they are. Guys need wallets, and they need shirts, too.

Men, here's something I found out decades ago (I've been married for over 40 years, and know what I'm talking about): a vacuum cleaner is not a gift, not for a birthday and especially not for Christmas. Make-up would be a good choice if you knew what she used. My wife told me that Max Factor has stopped selling in the U.S. She has to send to the UK for her favorite brands! I wouldn't dare try to buy anything as personal as make-up for her, nor anything as impersonal as a vacuum cleaner. If you slopped out horse stalls for a living, would you consider a new shovel to be an appropriate Christmas present?

A great gift for a dad would be a car, but what working family in 1950 could just buy a new car for Christmas? What working family in 2011 could buy a car for Christmas?

Smoking was big in 1950, very hip, very cool. So smoking accessories were big. Lighters were big, but so is a device you hook onto the steering column of your car. You can keep 23 cigarettes in the device, and by pushing a button it delivers a lighted cigarette. As my wife put it, "You could text and not have to light a smoke at the same time."

Celebrity endorsements of tobacco products were big.

Drinking was also associated with Christmas, and Life featured dozens of ads with beer, wine, whiskey...or any kind of alcoholic beverage. The guy in the Schlitz ad who is anticipating midnight so it can officially be Christmas is getting a look from his wife. Guys, if you've ever gone for a beer or a drink when your wife doesn't approve you've gotten a similar look. The Budweiser ad features the vice-king, Santa, who drank, smoked, took snuff, chewed tobacco, and had any number of bad habits.

The Schenley ad is a photo montage of the actors. In the pre-Photoshop days these sorts of things had to be done mechanically, and this one is pretty tricky, looking like those five Hollywood types are all in a line ready to hoist a Schenley's. But if you look closely you'll see the hands of each are the same hand, undoubtedly some male hand model, so my guess is they just plopped the actor's heads on some other bodies and inserted the hands. Prosit!

I have no idea why someone came up with the totally crazy idea to feature fluffy animals, more appealing to the nursery than the barroom, in these ads. I've heard of liquor companies trying to get their customers started young, but this was ridiculous.

Along with the ads for indulgence come the medicines to take away the stomach problems from over-eating and the headaches from all the alcohol.

I've saved the best for last. Illustrator Haddon Sundblom's Santa Claus is said by some to be the model for the look of our contemporary Santa. Maybe so; it sure is iconic, and appeared for years on the backs of magazines and in store advertising. They were many wonderful illustrators doing advertising work, but when it came to creating an image, Sundblom might have been one of the most influential of all.

.

Hark! the Caroled Angels Sing!

2011-12-23T03:57:00.010-07:00

This giveaway booklet was available from Richfield Oil dealers in California. It's undated but it's from the 1950s.

Do you remember when oil companies were anxious to get your business and actually cajoled you with freebies? Not any more. You even have to pump your own gas and wash your own windshield.

.

SCTV Christmas magic...Liberace, too!

2011-12-22T09:57:00.004-07:00

Hooboy. It's Christmas time, isn't it? (Audible groan from my side of the monitor.)

I hate to be the Grinch before he repented, or the lump of coal in your stocking, but sometimes this season just goes on so long I feel that rather than Christmas being a holiday from the rest of the year, it's vice versa. This year it got upped a day, with the shopping (Black Friday) crowding into Black Thursday, so retailers could get more of our money.

But one thing Christmas does is create good video. The SCTV Television show of 30 years ago had some really fine sketches with Christmas themes, maybe some of their best sketches ever, and that's saying a lot. I consider SCTV to be one of the best comedy shows ever on television.

Catherine O'Hara does a bit as one of the bawdy comediennes of another era in "Sexy Christmas with Dusty Townes," featuring Andrea Martin as Solid Gold dancer Marcie Odette. The tall male dancer is Juul Haalmeyer, lead of the "Juul Haalmeyer Dancers." Haalmeyer was actually the show's costume designer, and his dance troupe was a running gag. "Woefully inept" is a quote someone made of the Juul Haalmeyer Dancers. John Candy plays Divine, then the most famous drag queen in movies (Hairspray and Pink Flamingoes). Both Divine (the real one) and Divine John Candy are now gone, unfortunately.

Martin Short created bizarre characters, including the totally off-the-bizarre-scale Ed Grimly, but also the singing albino, Jackie Rogers, Jr. Eugene Levy is the unfunny comedian Bobby Bitmann, who as one writer observed, "Brings insincerity to a new level of sincerity."

Last, this isn't an SCTV bit, but Liberace was almost a caricature unto himself. This is a clip from his 1954 Christmas special, featuring "Lee" himself. I remember watching this with my mother. Liberace had a regular television show at the time and I remember the candelabra, "my brother, George," and Liberace's flamboyant gayness being rich territory for comedians.

My usual disclaimer: should one of the above videos have a black screen it's because YouTube has pulled it for one reason or another. I hate it when that happens, but it does.

.

In her eyes

2011-12-18T17:42:00.017-07:00

My wife was speaking to me of a lady in her coffee klatsch. The woman is our age, widowed, and looking for another husband. She goes on dates arranged through an online service. My wife told her, "You're a brave woman."

I suppose she is, but I thought about it from my vantage point as a man who has worked with women for decades. Women who have reached a certain age know how men really are, and what they want in a man. Men who early in life found it easy to impress women sometimes have a rude awakening when they meet a woman who is seeing through them.

FICTION

The pretty, fortyish woman, Angela her name was, Angela Jones or Johnson, he didn't remember, sat across from him in the restaurant, Juniper's, a mid-priced restaurant with good food and low noise level. She looked at him while he talked. Another woman he took to the same restaurant a few weeks before looked at the ceiling or at a point on the wall behind his head while he talked. His feeling was she wanted the night to end. He had a devilish urge, because his ego was hurt, to protract the evening as much as possible, talk about his job, his kids, his dog or his elderly mother, and so he did all of those things. She gave him an uh-huh every few sentences, but he could tell she wasn't interested.

Angela Jones-or-Johnson had more of a steady gaze, in her own way more intimidating than the woman who counted ceiling tiles while he talked. She was assessing him. What else do people do on blind dates from an online dating service? He thought, I should have taken a Valium before the date. He was on some sort of nervous conversational topic that was not unlike a fully loaded semi-truck with no brakes going down a steep grade. He talked about cars he'd owned. He asked her what she drove and she said a Subaru. He said, I thought only gay people drove Subarus and she narrowed her eyes at him. She was thinking, Oh brother, I've got a lulu here, a bigot. He saw her reaction and wished he could suck those words right out of the air and back into his mouth. It's because of the snow here, she explained, with an edge to her voice. I have an all-wheel drive car because I visit clients, she said, and sometimes I need to drive in snowy weather.

He tried to rescue himself. Of course, he said. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Nothing against gay people. What kind of clients do you visit, you're a tax consultant didn’t you say? I’d ask you for tax advice but I know you'd have to charge me for talking, ha-ha. I drive a Toyota four-wheel drive for the same reason. This climate it can snow six months out of the year, ha-ha. She didn't laugh back, just kept her eyes narrowed. He then proceeded to go into a dissertation on cars he'd owned, which she listened to politely, but he could tell by the way she was looking at him, steady gaze or not, she wished this topic to end. Even so he couldn't stop talking.

The date ended after they shook hands. He said I had a nice time and she said me too but although outwardly polite her tone said you are boring and I won't be taking your calls so don't ask me out again. Driving home he realized he hadn't really talked to a woman in years. It was more that he talked at them. He was out of practice at carrying on a conversation with a woman. He hadn't talked to his wife for at least twenty years, not beyond what household things needed to be done, or some conversation about their kids. Once their two sons and daughter were out on their own, graduated from college and living in other cities, she was off several times a year visiting them and their growing families. The older boy was married with two kids, the girl was married and pregnant with her first child and he didn't know what his other son was doing. That boy didn't seem interested in women or in marriage. Maybe he's gay, he thought. I'll have to see if he drives a Subaru.

It got to the point where the marriage was just heading in different directions so his wife divorced him. He didn't fight it because he couldn't think of anything to say about it. When they divided their property in the lawyer's office he could tell by the way her eyes were sparking he'd better just go along with her demands. After thirty years he knew those looks, even if for the past twenty he'd ignored what they meant.

In his career as the district manager for a department store chain he worked with many women. He hadn't thought much about it. They were there in the office and they had to talk to him and sometimes their eyes sparked like his ex-wife's, sometimes a female subordinate narrowed her eyes like Angela Jones-or-Johnson did with him when she thought he was boring or maybe just full of shit, trying to impress. He laid in bed and had one of those self-revelations that can shake a man down to his center. He thought, I have to do some soul searching now that I'm back in the dating game and I realize who I thought I was, an interesting, funny and intelligent 53-year-old male, maybe isn't any of that to the women who work for me or to the two women I dated. He remembered that before he met tonight's date he'd had a fantasy about spending the night with her. His fantasy bubble popped the instant her eyes narrowed.

You can tell from the looks they give you, he thought, and the looks I get from women aren't too good. He felt he needed to sit down and really think about what he wanted out of life. Did he want a woman or not? Did thirty years of marriage teach him anything? Apparently not, but a couple of dates with women he didn't know, watching their eyes, taught him something, anyway.

.

Happy birthday, Eugene Levy

2011-12-17T05:23:00.001-07:00

Eugene Levy is 65 today.

Here's his classic SCTV take on a very relaxed Perry Como, a sketch Como was said to love.

Levy did a brilliant job as an insincere entertainer, Bobby Bittman, doing a bit on drugs for the Sammy Maudlin Show. Sammy is played by Joe Flaherty, Lola Heatherton by Catherine O'Hara.

Sid Dithers provided a catchphrase: "San Franciscky? So did you droven or did you flew?"

Thanks for the laughs! Happy birthday, Eugene.

When propaganda becomes art

2011-12-14T11:45:00.019-07:00

Say what you will about the old Soviet Union, but like the Nazis they turned propaganda posters into fine art. I found these on a Russian website, Blogdex. If I read the English language story correctly, in the post-Soviet era they are currently used on a magazine called Agitator.

What I love the most is not the message, which for most of the posters is obscured for me because I don't read Russian. It's the incredible graphic design and printing of such dynamic and dramatic images. You get Lenin, heroic workers, factory and farm production, all the things that are of another era. Some of the posters celebrate space program successes, and an especially effective one is the blue poster with a red star, commemorating the first trip into space by cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, on April 24, 1961.

I'm struck by the Superman-styled images of heroic, muscled men with with the hammer-and-sickle on their chests.

The posters weren't used to sell outsiders on communism but for internal use, in factories, schools, etc. I don't know how effective they were as propaganda but as works of lithographed artwork they are beautiful.

.

Class warfare: the world's longest running conflict

2011-12-11T00:01:00.004-07:00

There's nothing new when it comes to class warfare. It's been going on a long time, long before the Occupy groups took to the streets, formed tent cities, and had the audacity to challenge the status quo of the financial institutions of the wealthiest Americans.

In 1935 cartoonist Redfield of The Daily Worker* drew some cartoons that were published in a book called The Ruling Clawss. Examples I've chosen remind me of what's being said by some of the Republican candidates, whose unhidden agenda appears to be protecting the fortunes of the richest 1% of our population. They also perpetuate stereotypes and promote disdain toward the poor.

Michele Bachmann said if a person doesn't work he shouldn't eat; Herman Cain (now thankfully gone from the pack) said if a person isn't rich it's his own fault.

You can find more trenchant humor from this book at The Ruling Clawss from Retronaut.

But of course the class warfare against the poor by the wealthy has been going on since time immemorial. I was struck by some passages in the 2001 book, In the Wake Of the Plague by Norman F. Cantor, which goes back to the 14th Century at the time of the Black Death to echo what we've been hearing these past few months from the mouths of politicians and radio hacks who are henchmen for billionaires.

From the book: "In 1340, 60 percent of Western Europe's wealth and nearly all its political power were in the hands of some three hundred families of the higher nobility, of which there were about four dozen in England. Their wealth was literally incalculable, since it was never assessed or audited. But the income of each family was at least a billion dollars a year in today's money."

Well! That gave the peasants some sort of goal, at least, to try to better themselves. Those that were able, that is, because repressive laws of the time kept the peasants in their place. Cantor speaks of the less wealthy as the ". . . less affluent nobility and the upper stratum of the middle-class," who were attempting to imitate the wealthiest families, "as far as more constrained resources allowed. Living on credit became as common among the landed classes as it is in American society today." Over 750 years ago keeping up with the Joneses was just as tough as it is now.

There has always been a clear division between rich and poor, and it has always been troublesome. Back to Cantor: "The loosening of the bonds and bounds of rural society caused by the Black Death and resulting in the Peasants' Revolt of 1381 could have led to a working-class takeover of the government and a socialist state." There's that dirty "S" word again. Whenever someone asks for a share they are branded a socialist. Cantor: "The peasants in 1381, building on the rumbles spreading through all of rural society . . . had that possibility within their grasp. The royal government cowered fearfully in the Tower of London while a crowd of many thousands of militant peasants from eastern England gathered in a field in the London suburbs. But the peasants were naïve and the disgruntled graduate students from Oxford who had helped to articulate the peasants' grievances and demands into a vision of a Christian commonwealth were too bookish and inexperienced to be capable of directing the rebellion toward a Leninist or Maoist denouement." The mind boggles. Think of how today's society would have changed had the pinkos won out 720 years ago. We'd all be comrades marching in the May Day parade.

"The young King Richard II came riding out to meet the peasants. He assured them that he loved them and if they would go home their demands would be met and justice fulfilled. . . . The peasants dispersed and the power of he government, using the instrument of class-biased common law, came down on them hard and hung most of those identified as proletarian leaders."

From an oppressor's point of view it makes sense to commit terrorism against people who are looking to redress grievances. If you kill all the leaders you pretty much discourage a movement. There's strength in numbers, but followers get skittish if they think their protests will get them hung. I'm sure there are those amongst our modern over-privileged class and their political lap dogs who would love to see some mass hangings. But nowadays there are cell phone cameras by the millions and YouTube for a public forum. We can watch when peaceful protesters get treated rough by law's enforcement. No public hangings so far, so tear gas, pepper spray and batons for thumping protesters will have to do for now.

*Yes, I'm aware The Daily Worker was the news organ of the Communist Party, USA. It doesn't mean these cartoons don't have truth in them.

Birthday week

2011-12-09T18:04:00.002-07:00

I tried posting these videos earlier in the week, but something happened...the browser I use, Firefox, suddenly couldn't read YouTube's embed codes. When I searched for the answer I used YouTube's old codes and they apparently worked. The videos worked with the newer codes on Google Chrome and Internet Explorer, so it was (yet another) glitch with Firefox, which can be a great browser, but can turn cranky at any moment.

This past week a very eclectic group of artists celebrated their birthdays, including:

Dave Brubeck, who turned 91:

Little Richard Penniman, 79:

Gregg Allman, 64:

Tom Waits, 62:

Sinéad O'Connor, 45:

John Lennon, 31 years gone

2011-12-08T22:34:00.008-07:00

It seems unreal to me that 31 years have gone by since John Lennon died on December 8, 1980. Because the Beatles have been such a major presence in our lives it seems they've always been with us.

I read the news today, oh boy, that 52% of the planet's population is under 30. That means they missed seeing the Beatles during their prime. It makes me feel lucky.

I felt terrible when Lennon was killed. My wife was the one who told me and I went into instant denial. It took me a full 12 hours to finally come back to reality.

I don't even have to pull out albums. I have the Beatles and John Lennon's three disk Collector's Tin albums on my hard drive, and can listen to them anytime. When John died the 33 1/3 LP was still the standard. How far we've come in a technology sense, but not so much musically. In that way the Beatles will live on when eventually the surviving members–and even us–are gone.

.

Horny Herman Cain: lie and deny

2011-12-01T08:11:00.011-07:00

J'accuse!

While visiting family over the Thanksgiving holiday I tried to stay away from the news, and especially the Republican presidential circus. It's impossible. News that Herman Cain's mistress of 13 years has come forward was about as surprising as waking up in November to frost on the windowpanes. Rich, powerful men use riches and power to get women. Women fall for it, and men use them.

Like the parallel story of Jerry Sandusky seducing young boys, the Cain story has escalated from its original. As boys come forward about Sandusky, so do women start appearing who have had something to do with Herman Cain. It started out as sexual harassment, then went into his affair. Hm. He's a busy guy, and I don't mean just as CEO of Godfather's Pizza. I wouldn't doubt there are more women out there who just haven't entered the heat of a public spotlight, and maybe they won't. Maybe Cain was depending on silence from ex-girlfriend Ginger White.

Ginger snapped, and Herman flapped!

Here's where Herman has gone wrong. He could have said, "Yes, under the law I probably sexually harassed those women, but like many men I'm confused about what sexual harassment is. I thought I was being charming, but I thought wrong. I apologize for offending these women, and I promise to make sure I understand laws on sexual harassment and won't do it again." If he had, the story might have gone away. Instead, he lied and denied. Bad decision.

When the mistress story came up he said he'd known her for the years she claimed but they didn't have an affair. Nuh-uh, no way, said Herman. But we believe Herman was lying about the sexual harassment, so why not lie about an extramarital affair? He didn't disappoint us. He could have said, "I did have an inappropriate relationship with Ms. White, and it ended some time ago. I'm not proud of myself, knowing Mrs Cain was home stoking the home fires while I stoked the fire in Ms. White." Words to that effect, anyway.

The public isn't fooled. They are more likely to forgive a man if he issues a mea culpa for having an affair than if he lies about it. The list of politicians whose careers were ruined by affairs is long, and yet there is Newt Gingrich, who had affairs, admitted them, and has climbed in the polls, He is stepping over Hormone Cain as Cain trips himself stepping on his own dick.

Untainted (so far) by stories of infidelities are Mitt Romney (faithful Mormon...unless he has another wife somewhere), and candidates scraping along at the bottom of the polls: Ron Paul (this guy doesn't look like he's ever been laid, much less produce a son), Michelle Bachmann (I find it hard to believe anyone would want to have sex with her, but that's just me), Rick Santorum, religious, graduate of the same Catholic school my granddaughters attend, and Jon Huntsman, Jr., who is movie star handsome, like Mitt, but also a devout Mormon. Oh yeah, Rick Perry's in there somewhere, too. He's a good-looking guy, and I suppose he could have lassoed some little filly somewhere along the Chisholm Trail, but so far no one has come forward to say she's seen Rick's six-shooter outside of its holster.

I'd be sweating too if I were you, Herman.

No, Herman "Blame everyone else but me" Cain has left a trail, a history of improper and inappropriate relationships with females. The real Godfather would have made sure there were no witnesses. Apparently Herman has drawn a line, thank god, not depending on such drastic solutions to his problems. He's either paid them off or depended on their silence rather than leaving any witnesses in shallow graves somewhere in the Pine Barrens.

.

A face full of vegetables

2011-11-23T08:04:00.007-07:00

Megan Kelly, another blowhard from Fox News, defended the cops pepper-spraying passive students at UC Davis. She said pepper-spray is "a food product," vegetable derived. I'll get some pepper-spray and, since it's only food she'll let me spray it in her face. Would she then still think it's a veggie?

Something I notice about the video of the pepper-spraying is how peaceful everyone looks. The first cop is very casual about blasting them, while the students sit with arms linked, taking it. No one jumps up and tries to wrestle it out of the cop's hand, no one from the crowd intercedes. It's very Gandhi-like, very turn-the-other-cheek. It gives all the sympathy to the people on whom the spray was used, and anyone trying to defend police tactics, like the idiots at Fox News, will find themselves shouted down. The cops knew they were being filmed. I'll bet they wonder why everyone is down on them, because they were doing what they were taught to do. Now a couple of them are on administrative leave for it. The UC Davis police chief, whom I saw defending the action in an interview, is also on leave.

I didn't go to college, and even if I had I probably wouldn't have gotten involved in anything that would have earned me a dose of an irritant like Mace or pepper-spray, or especially tear gas. When I was in the Army I went through the tear gas chamber five times. Four times during my two-year hitch, and once at a summer camp for a California National Guard unit, where I spent two weeks on the side of a mountain watching artillery fire. The gas chamber was part of the training, made more relevant in that year of 1970 because National Guardsmen were using tear gas in various student and public demonstrations around the country. The Army wanted all soldiers to be aware of what tear gas—CS gas, in military nomenclature—would do.

I can tell you from first hand experience that tear gas is not good. It burns your eyes, your nose, your throat. It's actually the most unpleasant thing I've ever experienced. And not just once but five times. I told people at the time that I went through more tear gas than people who spent all their time attending demonstrations. My heart goes out to those people at UC Davis who took the pepper-spraying from close up and did nothing, but they probably helped future demonstrators. Nothing changes policy like the bright hot spotlight.

I'll bet when that campus cops went to work that day none of them thought, "I'm going to get on YouTube today by giving a bunch of peaceful protesters a face full of pepper-spray." It was probably all within the guidelines of their duties, as they understood them. But they'll be forever seen as bullies rather than police officers in performance of those duties, and that's in spite of any acquittal that may come about at a hearing in months to come.

The clichéd expression "teachable moment" comes to mind. That video can be used as a training tool for police departments in how not to react to peaceful people who refuse to move. I've noticed that more and more since these so-called non-lethal methods of crowd control were invented cops are much more likely to use them when the situation may call for more restraint than action. Tasers, pepper-spray and even rubber bullets sometimes seem more like the tools of sadists rather than law enforcement tools by those hired to be serving and protecting.

.

Happy birthday, Scarlett Johansson

2011-11-22T09:19:00.007-07:00

Scarlett Johansson was born 27 years ago today in New York City. Happy birthday, Scarlett!

.

The JFK-UFO connection

2011-11-22T00:01:00.004-07:00

Today is the 48th anniversary of the Kennedy assassination.

When I saw the book, JFK & UFO by Kenn Thomas, I knew it was a must-read for me. Two of my favorite conspiracy theories, the Kennedy assassination and flying saucers! Published by Feral House, one of my favorite publishers! How could I resist? I poured myself a cup of coffee and settled in for a couple of hours.

I was initially disappointed because the book is less about wild conspiracy theories than what is actually known about such incidents as the Maury Island, Washington, UFO sightings of June, 1947, Kenneth Arnold’s UFO sightings over the Cascades in Washington on June 24, 1947, and how a principal in the Maury Island sightings, Fred Lee Crisman, figured in years later with the JFK killing.

Some ufologists believe the Maury Island sightings were a hoax, but many believe they were real. Crisman and Harold Dahl claimed they saw a flight of UFOs. One disintegrated and left debris, white metal and slag. Two Air Force Intelligence officers flew to the island, picked up samples of the debris, and then were killed when their plane crashed shortly after. The Maury Island story is one that has been debated for decades.

Over the years Fred Lee Crisman held a variety of jobs, including high school teacher, industrial psychologist, and a right-wing radio host using the name Jon Gold. There is doubt as to whether Crisman was actually a member of the wartime OSS and then its successor, the CIA, as has been claimed. Crisman is tied to the Kennedy assassination. There is a photo (shown in JFK & UFO of three “tramps” arrested right after the incident, and one of the “tramps” has been identified by some as Crisman. Crisman was subpoenaed by Jim Garrison when Garrison accused Clay Shaw of the plot to kill JFK. You may remember that story from the Oliver Stone movie version, JFK.

Crisman’s right-wing radio show was on a station in Tacoma, Washington, where he achieved some notoriety for his fight with the local Tacoma government.

The story gets truly strange when it gets into the connection with Crisman to Amazing Stories, that pulp magazine’s editor Ray Palmer, and the Shaver Mystery hoax, as promoted by Palmer from the delusional writings of Richard S. Shaver.

(Palmer has a connection to UFO mythology, as told by author John Keel in his essay, "The Man Who Invented Flying Saucers".)

Thomas presents some tantalizing material, including documents provided under the Freedom of Information Act, as well as some interviews with people who are knowledgeable about the Maury Island case, and about Crisman.

One of the reasons UFOs and JFK are my favorite conspiracies is because when talking about either you have several theories from which to choose. If you want to believe UFOs are military weapons being tested secretly, that’s fine. Or Nazi-designed secret weapons, that's OK, too. Gray men from another planet who are conducting medical experiments on abductees, why, go right on ahead. There's room for every wild story or inventive fantasy imaginable.

Likewise the assassination of JFK. If you don't believe the Warren Commission that Lee Oswald was the lone killer, you have a lot of other theories to choose from: Mafia, Cuban revenge, the CIA (everyone's favorite government villain), or right-wingers like Fred Crisman in cahoots with Clay Shaw. Personally, while I like to read about them, I'm too much a skeptic to believe in any of them.

Despite the disappointment in not getting some sort of wild-eyed conspiracy theories with JFK & UFO, I got some actual food for thought, an interesting story not told in mainstream media.

I’m a fan of Feral House, the publisher. I will read anything they publish. Their catalog is full of eclectic books not found anywhere else. So far I’ve never been bored by any of their books. When I see their colophon I jump at the book. But the layout and editing problems with JFK & UFO make me wonder if there is an editor at Feral House who goes through the manuscript, or whether they just print what the author supplies them. The use of sidebars is clumsy; I had to read the chapters and then go back and read sidebars that were continued over several pages. The sidebars should have just been presented as chapters of their own. There are several typos that should have been caught. This has the look of a book presented press-ready without any sort of editorial intermediary along the way. That bothers me. Also, there are references cited in end notes for each chapter, but there is no index, which I believe is necessary with so many characters involved.

.

Newtron bomb

2011-11-21T07:21:00.013-07:00

In over a half century of observations I've noticed that when Americans take to the streets in large numbers they are very angry, and people in power should never misunderstand or dismiss that anger. The anti-war and civil rights movements of the 1960s were both vilified by the established order, called "communist" and "un-American," yet those movements swelled. The anger that had caused them seeped into the general public, who eventually realized the protests were legitimate. Far from being un-American, the protesters were acting in a great tradition of democracy.

Yesterday I watched Republican Presidential candidate Newt Gingrich flapping his mouth, saying the Occupiers should, "Get a job! After you take a bath." I haven't been so angered something coming from a politician's cake-hole in a long time, and I've heard a lot this past year to raise my personal ire. Gingrich's command to "get a job," means he thinks jobs are out there to be had (from those billionaire "job creators" you Republicans tout, eh, Newt?) The second is about personal hygiene, which is hard to maintain while in tents. I should know; I spent time in the U.S. Army living in tents and foxholes, and yes, I definitely needed a bath. I'll bet it's been a long time, if ever, that you suffered any personal discomfort, right, Newt?

The civil rights era and anti-war movement of the 1960s have both passed into history, with those who supported them considered now to be on the right side of history. What makes the Republicans, who are so baldly trying to protect their monied friends–the 1% who control over 40% of the nation's wealth from the 99% who divvy up the scraps–think they'll come out of this on the right side? Outrage at inequities in our system is what fuels the protests, and the Republicans are working to keep those inequities intact. Every one of the Republican Presidential candidates has spoken out against the protesters.

While that makes me more determined to work against any of them in their run for the President, I'm also disappointed in our sitting President, who is lukewarm at best in response to the protests.

Something else has struck me about the Occupiers: why was it just fine for the Egyptians, Libyans or Syrians to occupy public places to protest their oppressive governments, but not OK for Americans to occupy public spaces to protest an inequitable and corrupt financial system? The hypocrisy in all of this is mind-boggling.

Newt Gingrich, with his "Get a job!" and "...take a bath" reminds me of the famous, "let them eat cake." I've read that the quote has been misattributed to Marie Antoinette, but even so it has a broader meaning, the disdain of the rich for the common folks. That sentiment has been shown over and over again this past year by Republican leadership.

Newt was in trouble in the 1990s, too, as this page by Mad great Al Jaffee shows.

Whoever the Republicans nominate for President better be careful what he says. There's no telling where a movement like this could lead if policies aren't changed. The sight of heavily armed police using batons and pepper spray on unarmed protesters is already all over the Internet, and if unaddressed by political leaders could have serious ramifications. The protesters aren't just protesters...they are also voters, and get enough of them in a bloc and comments like those made by Republicans since the Occupy movements began will come back on them in a very American way. They'll be voted out.

.

In Cloud Cuckooland Mitt der Republicans

2011-11-14T21:10:00.011-07:00

The dog-and-pony show called the Republican presidential nomination process goes on, via endless, yet sometimes entertaining debates. Republicans in Congress continue to scuttle President Obama by taking the jobs legislation he has asked for, voting it down, then blaming him. It's perfect Republican thinking. Up is down, down up. By voting against what 90% of the public wants they are doing the public a favor. In 2011 Republicans have given up their American citizenship to become citizens of Cloud Cuckooland, and their presidential candidates reflect the goofiness.

The word is out that the Republican establishment, especially conservatives and tea party types, think of the drawn out nomination process as trying to find someone other than Mitt Romney as their 2012 nominee. The evangelical voters are especially anti-Romney and anti-Mormon. Romney leads in most polls but never by much. Huntsman, another Mormon, was a popular governor before leaving office to be Obama's ambassador to China. His non-starter candidacy has probably been tainted by that, and he's usually last in the polls.

Both Latter-day Saints candidates were born to privilege and wealth. Romney's dad, George, was president of American Motors before his abortive presidential campaign in 1968. Huntsman's father, Jon Huntsman, Sr., is a billionaire industrialist, whose fortune was made by those styrofoam clamshells in which McDonald's used to put their hamburgers. Huntsman the elder has branched out into other areas now that the styrofoam has gone the way of other earth-unfriendly packaging, but he's still worth billions. Huntsman the younger has the money to diddle about in politics, and doesn't need to work. Huntsman Senior also funds the Huntsman Cancer Institute, and is known for his charitable works.

There's nothing wrong with wealth, per se, but neither Romney or Huntsman are "common people."

************

For television's sake, and the short attention span of the public, we live with sound bites rather than substance. The stories that make the evening news have to do with gaffes or flubs. In a recent debate Rick Perry couldn't remember one of the three federal agencies he wanted to abolish, and that got a great deal of play on TV. What got my attention, and much more important, was the endorsement of torture by both Herman Cain and Michele Bachman. You'd want one of these people as President, wouldn't you? (Shudder.) Herman Cain, who used the Bush-era term "enhanced interrogation technique" to describe waterboarding also said he'd turn over the decision to use torture to the military, rather than to civilians. Not the way we do it in this country, Godfather! Turning over ultimate control of anything to the military is like inviting them to come in the Oval Office, shoot the President and take over the country. Okay, that's extreme paranoia, but it's happened in so many countries around the world it's not like it isn't a possibility.

Saying they don't mind one form of torture shows me they probably wouldn't mind using other forms of torture. Torture is one of those activities we associate with dictators, absolute monarchs and psycho serial killers, not with democratically elected governments. At least not out in the open. (I have a lot of problems with turning prisoners over to other countries with a history of torture for interrogation, then taking the results but washing our hands of the sin.)

For once Herman Cain may be glad to be out of the media spotlight. The story of his sexual harassment of former female employees got a lot of play, and his approval rating is dropping precipitously. But his harassment story was supplanted by the child abuse sex scandal at Penn State University. The public doesn't see sexual harassment as being as serious as men raping little boys, which is cause for murderous public outrage. In the Penn State case former assistant coach Jerry Sandusky was arrested for having sex with a young boy in the locker room shower, and another coach is in trouble for not calling he police when he witnessed the crime. A popular head coach (did I say popular? I mean godlike) was fired, as was the University president. Herman Cain and his advisors might be the only people in the country who are glad the story broke in time to take some heat away from them.

Hey, Sandusky...you know how other prisoners feel about child molesters?

Happy birthday, Anne Hathaway

2011-11-12T13:39:00.006-07:00

Anne Jacqueline Hathaway, American actress, born 29 years ago today in Brooklyn, New York. Happy birthday, Anne!

.

A Patton the back for our veterans!

2011-11-11T00:01:00.001-07:00

MAD No. 140, Jan., 1971.

Vivian Maier, Street Photographer

2011-11-09T10:44:00.014-07:00

I'd like you to invite you to visit www.vivianmaier.com for a look into the street photos of a very gifted photographer, Vivian Maier. I'd liken her work to Diane Arbus or Weegee. She was a person with an obsession for pictures, but who kept the pictures to herself.

Maier worked as a nanny in Chicago and New York. She is described as having been a free spirit and eccentric. She's deceased now, and her pictures were discovered when her storage locker went up for auction in 2007. Thousands of negatives were discovered, and luckily discoverer John Maloof understood what he had found. But he didn't have the name of the photographer until he found it scrawled on a piece of paper with the pictures. He was able to track her story from there. Maier, who was destitute toward the end of her life, was helped by three of the people for whom she had been a nanny, who then became her caregivers.

When I see pictures like these--and I hope you'll go to the portfolios section of the web site and look for yourself--I wonder why they weren't shown during her lifetime. I can speculate, but that's all. Was it fear of rejection? Fear of fame? For decades she found the unusual on the streets of the two biggest cities in America. She had to know how good her photos were.

Maybe it's almost better to discover someone's art after they die and you can put your own interpretation to it. These pictures taken during the early to mid-1950s conjure up stories in my head.

There is a book coming out. Vivian Maier Street Photographer will be released November 22, 2011.

.

Happy birthday, Bonnie and Bonnie

2011-11-08T09:06:00.002-07:00

It's a bonnie day in November!

Bonnie Bramlett is 67 today.

Bonnie Raitt is 62 today.

I'm dedicating this to my wife, Sally, who loves Bonnie, Norah Jones and "The Tennessee Waltz."

.

Cain Unable

2011-11-08T04:26:00.006-07:00

If this isn't the best and brightest Republican bunch now scrambling for the 2012 presidential nomination, it's at least one of the more entertaining. I haven't been as interested in a slate of candidates in years. Right now we're watching them slowly disintegrate, each candidate in turn committing gaffes or having background that hurts them. Having skeletons in the closet may be a cliché, but is an apt metaphor.

The latest is Herman Cain, who has some bone-rattling sexual harassment charges from 15 years ago coming back to haunt him. As I write this the big news is that an accuser went before the cameras to tell her story of some unwanted groping by Cain.

Cain hasn't helped himself by being evasive at first, even lying outright about his memory of the events.

Cain has been a darling of the tea party for his conservatism, but some of his statements are outrageous. His view that if a person isn't rich it's "his own fault" is totally odd. As if people don't have enough problems to kick themselves over, now Cain says being middle class, and accepting it, is a fault. I can't believe his supporters would let him get away with this backhanded slap, but apparently they have.

I give credit to Herman Cain for being an entrepreneur who made his riches selling pizza. It's hard building a nationwide franchise, but when it's successful and the public supports the brand, it can be a gold mine. Cain was a VP at Burger King when he went off to become the pizza Godfather.

I give credit to Cain for polling number one as a candidate for several weeks. I'm sorry to bring up race, but it's necessary. An African-American polling above the other candidates, all of whom are white, is amazing. Americans are obsessed with race, and for a segment of the population such as white conservatives to have put Cain in such a place seems completely against the grain of everything I've observed about American politics in the past 50 years. That's even discounting the 2008 election of the mixed-race Barack Obama.

Whether Cain's support stays after the latest allegations, though, will tell whether he stays acceptable to his base. Right now that base believes the allegations are cooked up by the liberal media to smear him. They listen to an awful lot of right wing talk radio, where everything against their chosen few is a nasty leftist plot.

A couple of the women who claimed sexual harassment are unnamed (so far), and have signed confidentiality agreements as part of their legal settlement. Cain's latest accuser didn't seek any legal remedies to being groped, as she explained, because she didn't work for the National Restaurant Association where Cain was president. She could have gone to the police, but that was her choice. Most sexual assaults aren't reported, I'm sorry to say. She probably thought it was best to just go on with her life. Her silence may have fed into Cain's delusion that these incidents were minor, and wouldn't come back later to bite him. He might have trivialized them in his mind, or believed that the confidentiality agreements were enough to protect him from having to explain himself. He was wrong on all those things. He is also wrong to try to shut reporters up when they ask him questions about the allegations. He isn't a CEO now. He doesn't command anyone to do anything, especially reporters, who aren't about to lay back and let a big juicy story like this go away.

He may be the godfather, but he's no gangsta, and doesn't intimidate the press.

.

Rock 'n' roll itchycoo

2011-11-07T10:33:00.005-07:00

I haven't meant to turn my blog over to YouTube, but I've had this post in the hopper for a couple of months, and wanted to finally get it online.

My brother and I had some songs we liked way back when; he asked me about Seatrain's "13 Questions" and I found it. He also asked me about "Keep On Smilin'" by Wet Willie, which I also found.

The others are songs that we both liked at one time or another.

I've shown "Itchycoo Park" by Small Faces before, but so what...I like the song.

Here's my standard disclaimer: If any of the screens are dark it's because YouTube has yanked the video for whatever reason they deem necessary. It happens, but I don't like any more than you do.

Happy birthday, Art Garfunkel

2011-11-05T14:18:00.004-07:00

Art Garfunkel is 70 today.

He and Paul Simon made such great magic together.

.

"Burning out his fuse up here alone..."

2011-11-03T19:33:00.004-07:00

The current (as of November, 2011, anyway) Volkswagen Passat commercial uses the Elton John song, "Rocket Man," to sell us on the clarity of the car's sound system..."Is that what he's saying?" to the lyric, "Burning out his fuse up here alone." I didn't know that was what he was saying. But then, some songs aren't known for clarity in lyrics, but for evoking a mood or feeling.

"Rocket Man" takes me back to a specific time and place. I'm not even that big an Elton John fan, but his music has been part of the Baby Boomer soundtrack for 40 years, and impossible to ignore.

(If the frame is black it's because YouTube has pulled the video for copyright reasons. Bummer, but they do that sometimes.)

.

Happy Halloween

2011-10-30T20:37:00.033-07:00

It's Halloween Day...time to let all the ghosts, goblins, spooks, specters, devils, and witches loose.

Over time I've collected thousands of pictures from various places on the Internet or scanned out of books. Here are some of the things that I file under "Halloween" in my computer files.

Are you afraid of clowns? Me too.

Are you afraid of ventriloquist's dummies? Me too.

Need I ask? I'm also scared of the headless man in the woods.

And while we're on the subject of headless, here's a photo I took off my television screen last year of a startling scene from CSI.

William Gaines, who later went on to fame and wealth by publishing Mad magazine, was once a publisher of horror comic books. In front of a Senate Investigating Committee he commented his horror comics were within the realm of good taste. A senator held up this comic and asked if Gaines considered it to be in good taste. He said yes, because he could have shown the blood dripping from the neck.

In the 1990s the artist of that notorious 1954 cover, Johnny Craig, drew himself drawing it.

Pursued by spirits!

The ghost's secret...

The smiling ghost I bring out this time of year for decoration, holding his Jack O'Lantern.

More Jack O'Lanterns...

The dead.

Legends Of Terror was published in 1826.

A scene of death from Life magazine...

The macabre...

The costumed...

The French surrealist painter, who disguised herself...

Eye see you!

The self-mutilators, for whom every day is Halloween...

The gross...cartoonist S. Gross, that is!

That devil woman who sizzles...

...that ol' devil face that fizzles!

Those bewitching witches, like the Booby Witch...

...witches on brooms or with their black cats...

...witches who dance in the moonlight...

...or witches with the evil eye...

Happy Halloween to all of you.

.

Halloween horror comics

2011-10-30T03:59:00.019-07:00

Horror comics were really popular in the 1950s. But the frightening images caused controversy with parents' groups and censorship ensued. The whole horror comics boom in American comics lasted just a short time, four or five years.

The book, Four Color Fear, Forgotten Horror Comics Of the 1950s, has a couple dozen great examples.

I found a few online to illustrate this posting. These stories are not from the book.

There's something very Halloweenish about these stories: ghosts swirling up out of their graves in search of vengeance, evil spirits awaiting a murderer to transport him to Hell, or a woman who becomes a witch to seek revenge on the man who jilted her.

We begin with a one-page story on Halloween superstitions...

A great place to find horror comics is The Horrors Of It All blog. At THOIA, as it's known, it's Halloween all year long.

"Halloween," Witches Tales #18;

"The Dark Passage," Adventures Into Terror #10;

"The Dead Don't Sleep," Adventures Into Terror #30;

"Death By Witchcraft," Witches Tales #4.

.

Jack Davis and a Ha-Ha Halloween

2011-10-28T04:13:00.036-07:00

Here are some Halloween laughs from one of the world's best cartoonists. Jack Davis is an artist with an unmistakable style. He made his reputation in Mad comic books of the 1950s, but went into advertising art, famous for movie posters and record album covers, among other things, like these bubble gum trading cards.

These funny monster cards came out in 1959, published by Topps Chewing Gum, under the name Bubbles, Inc. Topps also did the infamous Mars Attacks gum cards in 1962.

A Halloween tale of a witch, paranoia, poisoned trick or treat candy...and a cat

2011-10-27T00:58:00.000-07:00

Fiction

It's true I've been off my medication for a few months. I just didn't feel like myself when I was taking it. It makes my brain fuzzy, and I need to be sharp to keep up with Hester.

Hester is my cat. Or maybe it's more proper that I'm her human. She's a black cat, inky black, with blue eyes. She talks, amazing as that sounds. She's the reason I put the poison in the Halloween candy. She told me to do it, because she told me what the neighbors were saying about me, and the way to get back at them was through their children. Their kids sometimes taunt me. When they see me they call me crazy.

Hester came to me one day a few months ago. I was sitting on the back porch thinking I should mow the lawn when Hester came stalking through the tall grass. I think she was after a mouse or a bird. She saw me and came to me when I called out "kitty." She didn't have a collar, so I figured her to be a stray. She wasn't shy and didn't run from me. I thought she could be someone's lost pet. I didn't have any cat food in the house. We don't have a cat--or a dog or a canary, either, for that matter--but I found some baked chicken I was planning to put on a sandwich, and I shared it with her. She was very hungry. She left but came back the next day. I found some canned chicken in the pantry and gave her some, along with some half-and-half from the fridge.

This went on for a week or more. I didn't tell my wife, Ellen, about the cat. She hates cats. But Ellen, she's a good woman. She works hard you know. I haven't worked in a couple of years. It's the bad economy. We get by because Ellen works two jobs, so she isn't home except to sleep, and I'm home alone watching the television. Or at least I watched television until Hester told me the neighbors were using their satellite dishes to spy on me through the TV.

I mentioned Hester told me to put the poison in the candy. I see your looks of disbelief and the glances you're giving each other. Cops. You think everyone is guilty. Whatever happened to "innocent until proven guilty"? What I'm telling you is the truth and I can prove it when Hester gets here. Anyway, I was calling her Kitty. "Here, Kitty, come get your chicken." I'd keep up a stream of conversation telling her she was a good kitty, a pretty kitty.

Shortly after she first came to me she looked up from her chicken dinner and said, "Don't call me Kitty. My name is Hester." I tell you, I about fell off my chair. And you have those looks again, but she said it to me, and she said it in a female voice. She told me why her name was Hester. She said, "It was my name when I was a woman. I died and since then I've been through many bodies, both animal and human. This is just my latest." Flabbergasted. I was flabbergasted.

She told me her story: "Centuries ago in Salem I was a witch. They put me on trial, found me guilty of witchcraft, tied me to a stake and burned me. That wasn't enough. They hanged me, too. But I cheated them. Before I died I used a spell to send my soul out of my body. At that very moment a dog in a nearby barn was having puppies and my soul ended up in one of the pups. The stories I could tell about my many lives! I don't have a choice into what species I'm born. Like this cat. I would never choose to be a house cat, small and weak."

What a coincidence! Just a few days before I'd been watching a show on the History Channel about witches in Massachusetts, and witches' familiars are black cats.

Hester left and I had all night to think about what she had said. It made some kind of sense to me. I'm not a religious person but I've sometimes had the feeling I might have been someone else in a prior life. When I'm not on meds, that is. When I'm on meds I don't even feel I'm in this body.

Remember, my wife didn't know about Hester. After Ellen ate the poisoned candy I told her, but I don't think she was in any shape to understand. I told Ellen it wasn't my fault, but Hester's. I'm sorry Ellen is so sick, and in the hospital, but I didn't intend that. After all, she's been my wife for over thirty years and what will I do if she dies?

Hester told me, "You should hear what your neighbors are saying about you." She told me since she met me she had been going through the neighborhood, from house to house. People say all kinds of things in front of her. They don't think a cat can understand them. So Hester said she'd heard things they said, that I acted like a crazy person, yelling at their kids. They said I was lazy and off my rocker, letting my poor Ellen work night and day while I sat home on my ass. They could watch me in my house through my TV. That spooked me plenty. When they weren't watching me inside they were watching me when I'd go outside. My next door neighbor told someone she could see me from her kitchen window, in my yard talking to myself. Obviously I was talking to Hester, and why she couldn't see the cat I don't know. Another neighbor said she'd seen me in the store and I was unshaven, had on an inside-out t-shirt and when she said hello I just brushed on by. She even said I smelled bad, like I wasn't taking care of my personal hygiene. That is true. I don't remember the last time I took a shower. I don't remember seeing my neighbor in the store, but it's always possible I was thinking about something else and just didn't notice her. I think a lot of things, and sometimes they're all jumbled in my brain. I don't always notice people. She's the one I think told you she saw me buying rat poison. She could have spread that malicious story amongst the neighbors. That could be why the neighborhood bitches gossip about me, saying they think I might be dangerous, or violent. What a laugh. Me, dangerous! Me, violent! I never hurt anyone.

Hester told me the whole neighborhood was in on a plot to get rid of me.

Every day Hester would come by and report what they were saying. Knowing they had a conspiracy against me made me feel sick. Soon I only went out of the house if I had to, just to buy food. I closed all the blinds and kept the house dark. I didn't want anyone looking in my windows, but I couldn't see out, either. I depend on Hester to keep me informed. Hester was working some witch magic on me, telling me awful things the neighbors were saying. It made me angry, made me want revenge. But she was doing it for my own good, because she loves me. Hester is a very clever witch. She may feel that cats are "small and weak," but she's still got a witch's power. Over a very short time she made herself the focus of my life. I fell in love with that cat. I believe she put a spell on me.

I'm sorry Ellen ate some of the candy and it made her deathly sick, but I'm not glad I won't be giving any poison candy out to the neighborhood kids. They're all little monsters, and I hate them and their spying, plotting parents. I'd be happy if they were all dead. But because of Ellen you traced the poison back to me. My bad luck.

I can't go to jail right now. I know you cops have to do your jobs, but I have responsibilities. Ellen will need me to bring her home and take care of her when she's released from the hospital. And Hester...Hester will still need to be fed. She may be a witch in a cat's body, but that doesn't mean she doesn't need to be fed, and have fresh water in her bowl. You understand that, don't you? Some of you probably have animals of your own. So, no, I can't go to jail, and you'll understand when Hester comes for her dinner and I have her talk to you. You just have to take these handcuffs off me and listen to reason.

You should arrest my neighbors. They're the ones who should be in jail. When Hester gets here she can tell you I'm a good person, innocent of everything but loving her, and being under her witch's spell.

.

Ginger Snaps twice

2011-10-26T07:54:00.013-07:00

The Fitzgerald sisters, Ginger and Brigitte, are two high school girls who are the proverbial outsiders: they don't fit in with the "in" crowd. They are morbid. They vow when the time comes they will die together. They take photographs of themselves in elaborately staged death scenes for a slide show in a class. The teacher is disgusted, but one of the boys in the class speaks up, "Can we see the ones with Ginger again?"

That's because Ginger can be very sexy.

Her sister, Brigitte, is an introvert, appalled by Ginger's behavior.

The movie, Ginger Snaps, catches the sisters just as Ginger experiences her first menstrual period. Simultaneously in their suburban community there is some sort of wild animal attacking and killing the local dogs. That doesn't seem to bother Ginger and Brigitte, who go out for a walk at night. They are attacked by the creature, who is attracted by Ginger's period. The attack is thwarted, and the creature is killed when hit in the street by a van. Ginger is wounded but won't tell her parents. Oddly enough, her wounds begin to quickly heal...

Oops. That means that Ginger has been bitten by a werewolf, and is infected.

Ginger Snaps, despite its clever punning title, is a horror movie, and works on a couple of levels. First, there are the girls and their teenage angst. They have enemies at school, including a group of mean girls. Ginger has the interest of one boy in particular, and she uses it. When she ovulates she goes after him and they have sex (off camera, darn it). He tells his friends in the bleachers, "Ginger Fitzgerald rocked my world!" to a round of high fives. Then there is the creature, barely seen, then killed, with Ginger gradually becoming a werewolf herself.

Brigitte takes it upon herself to find a cure for Ginger's lycanthropy, devising a solution from the plant, Monkshood. It's poison, but not in small doses. It retards the advance of the werewolf condition. But poor Ginger is doomed, despite Brigitte's help. At the end of the movie Brigitte is also infected.

The movie, a 2000 Canadian import, stars Katherine Isabelle as Ginger, and Emily Perkins as Brigitte. Both are excellent actors, and Perkins is good enough to get top billing. They're older by a few years than the characters they play (Isabelle was 19 playing 16, Perkins was 23 playing 15), and both had been child actors with a stack of credits on the Internet Movie Database. Despite their youth Ginger Snaps shows how professional and accomplished both are at their craft.

It's not a big budget movie, which means its strength comes from the story and its believable characters. It does an effective job building suspense as Ginger changes. Maybe because of the budget, the scenes with a monstrous werewolf are very carefully edited. The monster is not totally convincing.

Sometimes it looks like a large puppet, sometimes it looks like a man in a costume. But with sound effects, music, and action in the dark covering the beast's imperfections, the scenes are skilfully done. Budget aside, Ginger Snaps is an unexpected pleasure on all levels, with the actors' performances of a witty and suspenseful script giving the movie much credibility with the audience, even if the monster is lacking.

Ginger Snaps begat Ginger Snaps 2: Unleashed, from 2004. As we saw at the end of Ginger Snaps, Brigitte has infected herself to share Ginger's fate. Ginger is only in this movie as seen in Brigitte's imagination, a Cassandra telling Brigitte how doomed she is.

The sequel, with Emily Perkins as Brigitte in virtually every scene, is a different movie from the original, but in some ways may be better. The script lacks the morbid humor of the original, but is suspenseful. No, the monster tracking Brigitte still isn't very convincing, but Brigitte is.

Brigitte, in order to stall the progression of her own lycanthropy, is hiding in a motel from her stalker, a werewolf, and taking intravenous doses of monkshood. She overdoses and ends up in a rehab center with more mean girls, and a comic book-reading girl called Ghost, who attends to her burned grandmother. Ghost is the blonde girl to Brigitte's right.

Deprived of the monkshood, Brigitte begins her inevitable slide into becoming a werewolf. She is taken advantage of by a rehab center employee, Troy, who trades drugs for sex. Poor Brigitte multiplies her problems as the movie goes on.

Brigitte and Ghost escape the center. They steal one of their cars, and head for Ghost's home, now empty since the grandmother was so badly burned. It's there where the final showdown occurs between Brigitte and everyone and everything stalking her.

Brigitte is a resourceful and determined character, but her doom is assured (this is a horror movie, after all), but then, so is the doom of about everyone else, too, including the werewolf.

Both movies are great for Halloween viewing. There was a third movie, making this series a trilogy, but for some reason the setting for the characters is in the Canadian wilderness of over a century ago. I have never been able to watch it.

.

Let Me In

2011-10-23T19:39:00.011-07:00

It's Halloween in a week, so it's time to get spooked. I recently watched a DVD of a moody horror movie, released in 2010:

Owen is a delicate-looking young teenager, who is bullied by a gang of three tough kids. He doesn't tell his mother, with whom he lives in a cheap apartment, because she and his dad are divorcing.

The boy is a voyeur, and watches his neighbors through a telescope. He sees an older man with a young girl. They are moving into the apartment next door. When he meets the girl, whose name is Abby, she is barefoot in snow. He asks, "Aren't you cold?"

She says, "I don't get cold."

Abby tells him she is twelve, like him, but doesn't know her birthday. "I have been twelve for a very long time."

Let Me In is a moody and deliberately paced remake of a Swedish film, Let the Right One In. The setting has been transported from Sweden to Los Alamos, New Mexico, but the overall atmosphere of the movie looks Swedish to me. ( I haven't seen the original Swedish version of this film. I recently watched all three of the "Girl Who..." movies in their original Swedish versions, and Let Me In has a similar look of darkness and disconnect.)

We know right off that Abby is a vampire, and she sends the older man, called "The Father" in the cast listings, to get her the blood she needs to survive. Abby can get her own blood if necessary, but apparently it's his job to provide it for her. He gets it by killing. Since we see later in the movie a photo of him as a teenager next to Abby, who looks exactly the same, we know this is a relationship that has gone on a long time.

The Father is played by Richard Jenkins (Six Feet Under), a fine character actor. We learn in a making-of featurette on the DVD that Jenkins came up with the idea of his character going about his business of murder wearing a garbage bag with eye holes. It adds so much to the aura of spookiness that the filmmakers agreed readily with his idea.

When you get right down to it there really isn't much in Let Me In we haven't seen in vampire movies before. The myth of vampirism, can't go out in daylight, can turn into a bat, is preserved, although the bat part is implied rather than shown. The only thing I saw in this movie I hadn't seen before is when Abby crosses the threshold into Owen's apartment without getting his permission to come in, she begins to bleed from her scalp.

The performances are great. The two young actors, Kodi Smit-McPhee as Owen and Chloë Grace Moretz as Abby are asked to carry the movie and do it. I'm impressed by how good they are. Richard Jenkins looks like who he portrays, an aging man who has done terrible things.

Matt Reeves co-wrote the screenplay and directed. He also directed the movie, Cloverfield, which I have reviewed a couple of times, here, and here. I thought Cloverfield was a good movie (although derivative of Japanese monster movies) with a terrible title. I also think Let Me In is derivative of several vampire movies, including Salem's Lot and the original Fright Night, and also has a terrible title. What else can I say about the title, Let Me In except it doesn't sound like a vampire movie.

Here is a trailer for Let Me In:

With the DVD you also get a well-drawn little (4 1/2" x 6 1/2") comic book. It's part 1 of 4, a preview of a mini-series from Dark Horse Comics, a prequel to the movie.

.

Babes with bodacious bubble butt booties

2011-10-22T09:59:00.020-07:00

"Callipygian" is a wonderful word. It means a shapely bottom, rounded buttocks. I looked on the Internet to find examples of callipygian, and found many great callipygians. Callipygian is a fancy word for what we sometimes call bubble butts. One could be at a society party and say to someone, "Our hostess, Mrs. Van Gilt, is certainly callipygian." That party nods and says, "Yes, errr...of course," in that way people have of faking knowledge of an unfamiliar word. It's much more classy to say callipygian than to say, "That Van Gilt broad has quite a bubble butt."

The word "callipygian" comes from Greek: kallipugos: kalli- beautiful (from kallos, beauty) + puge, buttocks.

Etymology aside, it's more fun to look at pictures of women who fit the definition of callipygian.

Leopard Girl reminds me, ladies, do you have your Halloween costume yet?

Putting their backsides forward!

This young woman appears to be counter-balanced; top and bottom even each other out...

...which also goes for La Renna Lee, the Girdled (and callipygian) Goddess.

Fellow blogger Nursemyra called this weightlifting girl's butt "pert." Myra has a gift for description. Check out her sexy, funny and fascinating blog, "Gimcrack Hospital."

I love girls who hang out in the rumpus room.

High calorie calli-choco-pygian!

In this 1949 photo shoot Marilyn Monroe has a nice booty.

Ten years later, as seen in her famous entrance in Some Like It Hot, she shows she has grown into callipygian status. (Dorothy Parker once said of Monroe, while watching her walk in the studio lot, "That girl has a great future behind her.")

Perhaps at some time this girl will also tattoo her tuchus.

Wow! Two chicks, four cheeks.

The callipygian queen, though, has to be Jennifer Lopez, shown in this photo from Vanity Fair magazine. My wife said, "You could sit a beer can on that." I say J-Lo is too classy for that. A champagne glass, maybe.

.

End of the world coming up this Friday, October 21! Be ready!

2011-10-19T14:16:00.008-07:00

Those fine folks of Family Radio and eBible Fellowship warned us when the world didn't end on May 21, 2011--as their Reverend Harold Camping had prophesied--that it would actually end on October 21, 2011. As I write this it's only two days away. I don't know about you, but I think I'll go get drunk.

I'll talk to you after Friday if we're all still here! Postino

All of the righteous being zipped right into heaven. Guess this means they'll miss Sunday football. On the other hand, they won't have to buy candy for trick-or-treaters the following week.

Here's their tract, explaining it all. I have placed all their words in boldface, and my interjections in regular type:

And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.

Revelation 9:5

The End of the World October 21, 2011

The purpose of this tract is to inform you of the great urgency there now is in the world for each and every person to be reconciled to God. The Bible is the Word of God! Everything the Bible declares has the full authority of God Himself. Now, at this time, information is coming forth from the Bible which clearly reveals God’s plan for Judgment Day and the end of the world itself. The Bible has opened up its secrets concerning the timeline of history. This information was never previously known because God had closed up His Word blocking any attempt to gain knowledge of the end of the world. We read about this in the book of Daniel:

Daniel 12:9 And he said, Go thy way, Daniel: for the words are closed up and sealed till the time of the end.

However, now in our present day, God has opened up His Word (the Bible) to reveal a great deal of truth concerning the end of time (and many other teachings). Also, in the same chapter of Daniel, it says:

Daniel 12:4 But thou, O Daniel, shut up the words, and seal the book, even to the time of the end: many shall run to and fro, and knowledge shall be increased.

God is now opening up His Word because we have arrived at the time of the end. For this reason, it has become very obvious to the serious student of the Bible that we are now living in the last few days of earth’s history. As a matter of fact, because we are living at the end of time, God is now revealing to His people the following information:

THE BIBLE’S CALENDAR OF HISTORY

The Lord has opened up His people’s understanding to the “Biblical calendar” found on the pages of the Bible. The genealogies of the book of Genesis, primarily in chapters 5 and 11, can be shown to be a precise calendar of the history of mankind in this world. The Bible’s calendar of history is completely accurate and trustworthy.

Since this Bible calendar is given by God in His Word, it can be trusted wholeheartedly. In this brief pamphlet, we will share some of the conclusions derived from the Biblical calendar and from other studies in the Scriptures. However, the amount of information available is far too abundant and complex to get into much detail in this short pamphlet; but we can and will give precise and compelling dates. These dates can be trusted entirely because they come right out of the Bible. (EBiblefellowship has no affiliation with Family Radio; however, we highly recommend that you obtain a free copy of the book “We Are Almost There!” by writing to the following address: Family Stations, Inc., 290 Hegenberger Rd., Oakland, CA 94621. This book goes into far greater detail regarding the timing of Judgment Day and the end of the world. Also, you can read or download “We Are Almost There!” online at: www.familyradio.com).

Try not to do any driving on Friday, especially if you're Rapture-bound. It could create such a mess on the highways. Be considerate and zip up to heaven from the easy chair in your home.

TIMING OF IMPORTANT EVENTS IN HISTORY

11,013 BC—Creation. God created the world and man (Adam and Eve).

4990 BC—The flood of Noah’s day. All perished in a worldwide flood. Only Noah, his wife, and his 3 sons and their wives survived in the ark (6023 years from creation).

7 BC—The year Jesus Christ was born (11,006 years from creation).

33 AD—The year Jesus Christ was crucified and the church age began (11,045 years from creation; 5023 calendar years from the flood).

1988 AD—This year ended the church age and began the great tribulation period of 23 years (13,000 years from creation).

1994 AD—On September 7th, the first 2300-day period of the great tribulation came to an end and the latter rain began, commencing God’s plan to save a great multitude of people outside of the churches (13,006 years from creation).

2011 AD—On May 21st, Judgment Day will begin and the rapture (the taking up into heaven of God’s elect people) will occur at the end of the 23-year great tribulation. On October 21st, the world will be destroyed by fire (7000 years from the flood; 13,023 years from creation).
ONE DAY IS AS 1000 YEARS

The child of God has learned from the Bible that the language of Genesis 7 has a twofold meaning:

Genesis 7:4 For yet seven days, and I will cause it to rain upon the earth forty days and forty nights; and every living substance that I have made will I destroy from off the face of the earth.

Historically, as God spoke these words, there were seven days remaining for Noah, his family, and the animals to get into the safety of the ark; but spiritually (and the Bible is a spiritual book), God was speaking to all of the people of the world and was declaring that sinful mankind would have 7000 years to find refuge in the salvation provided by Jesus Christ. How can we know that? We know this is so based on what we read in 2 Peter, chapter 3:

2 Peter 3:6-8 Whereby the world that then was, being overflowed with water, perished: But the heavens and the earth, which are now, by the same word are kept in store, reserved unto fire against the day of judgment and perdition of ungodly men. But, beloved, be not ignorant of this one thing, that one day is with the Lord as a thousand years, and a thousand years as one day.

The context of 2 Peter 3 is extremely important! In the first few verses, God refers us to the destruction of the world by the flood during Noah’s day. Then we find an interesting admonition that we ought not to be “ignorant” of one thing, which is, 1 day is as 1000 years, and 1000 years is as 1 day. Immediately following this bit of information is a very vivid description of the end of the present world by fire.

What could God be telling us by identifying 1 day along with 1000 years?

Since we recently have discovered the Biblical calendar of history on the pages of the Bible, we find that the flood of Noah’s day occurred in the year 4990 BC. This date is completely accurate (for further information on the Biblical timeline of history, please go to: www.familyradio.com). It was in the year 4990 BC that God revealed to Noah that there would be yet 7 days until the flood of waters would be upon the earth. Now, if we substitute 1000 years for each one of those 7 days, we get 7000 years. And when we project 7000 years into the future from 4990 BC, we find that it falls on the year 2011 AD.

4990 + 2011 = 7001

Note: When counting from an Old Testament date to a New Testament date, always subtract one year because there is no year zero, resulting in:

4990 + 2011 – 1 = 7000 years exactly.

The year 2011 AD will be the 7000th year from the flood of Noah’s day. It will be the end of the length of time given to mankind to find grace in God’s sight. This means that the time to find refuge in Christ has grown extremely short. We are only a little ways off from the year 2011 AD!

It is not unusual that God’s people have been given insight into the timing of the end of the world. Actually, the Bible tells us this is normally the case. In times past, God has warned His people of approaching periods of judgment:

Amos 3:7 Surely the Lord GOD will do nothing, but he revealeth his secret unto his servants the prophets.

Hebrews 11:7 By faith Noah, being warned of God of things not seen as yet, moved with fear, prepared an ark to the saving of his house; by the which he condemned the world, and became heir of the righteousness which is by faith.
JUDGMENT DAY: MAY 21st, 2011

We know that the year 2011 is the 7000th year from the flood. We also know that God will destroy this world in that year. But when in 2011 will this occur?

The answer is amazing. Let’s take another look at the flood account in the book of Genesis:

Genesis 7:11 In the six hundredth year of Noah's life, in the second month, the seventeenth day of the month, the same day were all the fountains of the great deep broken up, and the windows of heaven were opened.

Faithful to His Word, God did bring the flood 7 days later in the 600th year, on the 17th day of the 2nd month of the calendar aligned with Noah’s lifespan. It was on this 17th day of the 2nd month that God shut the door on the ark, securing the safety of its occupants and also sealing the fate of everyone else in the world outside of the ark. They would all now certainly perish in that worldwide catastrophe.

Genesis 7:16,17 And they that went in, went in male and female of all flesh, as God had commanded him: and the LORD shut him in. And the flood was forty days upon the earth; and the waters increased, and bare up the ark, and it was lift up above the earth.

Earlier it was mentioned that the church age came to an end in the year 1988 AD. It so happens that the church age began on the day of Pentecost (May 22nd) in the year 33 AD. Then 1955 years later, the church age came to its conclusion on May 21st, which was the day before Pentecost in 1988.

The Bible teaches that the end of the church age would occur simultaneously with the beginning of the great tribulation:

Matthew 24:21 For then shall be great tribulation, such as was not since the beginning of the world to this time, no, nor ever shall be.

On May 21st, 1988, God finished using the churches and congregations of the world. The Spirit of God left all churches and Satan, the man of sin, entered into the churches to rule at that point in time. The Bible teaches us that this awful period of judgment upon the churches would last for 23 years. A full 23 years (8400 days exactly) would be from May 21 st, 1988 until May 21st, 2011. This information was discovered in the Bible completely apart from the information regarding the 7000 years from the flood.

Therefore, we see that the full 23-year tribulation period concludes on May 21st, 2011. This date is the exact day that the great tribulation comes to its end, and this is also the most likely landing spot for the 7000 years from the flood of Noah’s day.

Keep in mind that God shut the door on the ark on the 17th day of the 2nd month of Noah’s calendar. We also find that May 21 st, 2011 is the end of the great tribulation period. There is a strong relationship between the 2nd month and 17th day of Noah’s calendar and May 21st, 2011 of our Gregorian calendar. This relationship cannot be readily seen until we discover that there is another calendar to consider, which is the Hebrew (or Biblical) calendar. May 21 st, 2011 happens to be the 17th day of the 2nd month of the Hebrew calendar. By this, God is confirming to us that we have a very correct understanding regarding the 7000-year timeline from the flood. May 21 st, 2011 is the equivalent date to the date when God shut the door on Noah’s ark. Through this and much other Biblical information, we find that May 21 st, 2011 will be the day when God takes up into heaven His elect people. May 21st, 2011 will be Judgment Day! This is the day God shuts the door of salvation on the world.

Don't listen to false prophets! Listen only to Harold Camping who is the true prophet and only he knows the world will end on October 21, 2011! And when he said above that it would end on May 21, 2011 he had miscalculated...but now he's right and it's really ending on October 21, 2011. He wouldn't kid you about something this important, folks!

In other words, in having the great tribulation period conclude on a day that identifies with the 17th day of the 2nd month of Noah’s calendar, God is without question confirming to us that this is the day He intends to shut forever the door of entry into heaven:

John 10:9 I am the door: by me if any man enter in, he shall be saved, and shall go in and out, and find pasture.

The Bible is very clear that Christ is the only way into heaven. He is the only portal into the glorious kingdom of heaven.

Acts 4:12 Neither is there salvation in any other: for there is none other name under heaven given among men, whereby we must be saved.

Once the door (Jesus) is shut on Judgment Day, there is no more salvation possible on earth:

Revelation 3:7 …These things saith he that is holy, he that is true, he that hath the key of David, he that openeth, and no man shutteth; and shutteth, and no man openeth;

The Bible teaches that on May 21st, 2011, only true believers elected by God to receive salvation will be raptured (taken up) out of this world to meet the Lord in the air and forever be with the Lord:

1 Thessalonians 4:16,17 For the Lord himself shall descend from heaven with a shout, with the voice of the archangel, and with the trump of God: and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord.

All the rest of mankind (billions of people) will be left behind to experience the awful judgment of God, a horrible period of 5 months of torment upon earth:

Revelation 9:3-5 And there came out of the smoke locusts upon the earth: and unto them was given power, as the scorpions of the earth have power. And it was commanded them that they should not hurt the grass of the earth, neither any green thing, neither any tree; but only those men which have not the seal of God in their foreheads. And to them it was given that they should not kill them, but that they should be tormented five months: and their torment was as the torment of a scorpion, when he striketh a man.

THE END OF THE WORLD: OCTOBER 21st, 2011

By God’s grace and tremendous mercy, He is giving us advanced warning as to what He is about to do. On Judgment Day, May 21st, 2011, this 5-month period of horrible torment will begin for all the inhabitants of the earth. It will be on May 21st that God will raise up all the dead that have ever died from their graves. Earthquakes will ravage the whole world as the earth will no longer conceal its dead (Isaiah 26:21). People who died as saved individuals will experience the resurrection of their bodies and immediately leave this world to forever be with the Lord. Those who died unsaved will be raised up as well, but only to have their lifeless bodies scattered about the face of all the earth. Death will be everywhere.

The Lord also emphasizes these awful 5 months of destruction in the final verse of Genesis, chapter 7:

Genesis 7:24 And the waters prevailed upon the earth an hundred and fifty days.

Five months after May 21st, 2011 will be October 21st, 2011. It so happens that October 21st of 2011 is also the last day of the Biblical Feast of Tabernacles (held simultaneously with the Feast of Ingathering). Tabernacles is held in the 7th month of the Hebrew calendar. The way God speaks of this feast in the Bible is very significant:

Exodus 23:16 …the feast of ingathering, which is in the end of the year, when thou hast gathered in thy labours out of the field.

Exodus 34:22 And thou shalt observe the feast of weeks, of the firstfruits of wheat harvest, and the feast of ingathering at the year's end.

The Feast of Tabernacles / Ingathering was said to be in the “end of the year” even though it was observed in the Hebrew 7th month, which is not the end of the year. The reason for this is that the spiritual fulfillment of this particular feast is the end of the world. The date October 21st, 2011 will be the last day of the Feast of Tabernacles and the last day of earth’s existence. The Bible describes what will take place on October 21st, 2011 in the following passage:

2 Peter 3:10 But the day of the Lord will come as a thief in the night; in the which the heavens shall pass away with a great noise, and the elements shall melt with fervent heat, the earth also and the works that are therein shall be burned up.

Along with the entire world and universe, all those who have sinned against God and were left behind will likewise be consumed by this fire and be eternally destroyed:

2 Thessalonians 1:8,9 In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power;

On October 21st, 2011, God will completely destroy this creation and all of the people who never experienced the salvation of Jesus Christ along with it. The awful payment for their sinful rebellion against God will be completed by the loss of everlasting life. On October 21st, 2011, all of these poor people will cease to exist from that point forward. How sad that noble man, made in God’s image, will die like a beast and perish forever:

Psalm 49:12 Nevertheless man being in honour abideth not: he is like the beasts that perish.

There is much more to share. But please, dear soul, be warned that the time for salvation is drawing to a rapid close! God has given the world 7000 years from the flood, and now only a few days remain until we reach May 21st, 2011. Before we know it, time will have run completely out. The few grains of sand remaining in our hourglass will have elapsed and be gone forever. Although little time remains, there is still wonderful hope for anyone today:

2 Corinthians 6:2 (For he saith, I have heard thee in a time accepted, and in the day of salvation have I succoured thee: behold, now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation.)

It does not take God much time at all to save someone. In the last hours of a terribly sinful life, the thief on the cross was saved by Christ:

Luke 23:42,43 And he said unto Jesus, Lord, remember me when thou comest into thy kingdom. And Jesus said unto him, Verily I say unto thee, To day shalt thou be with me in paradise.

Our prayer is that you will receive this tract in the spirit of genuine concern in which it is being offered. As you read this pamphlet, please carefully consider the verses quoted from the Bible, for they are the Word of God, and as such, possess absolute power and authority. Our only hope for salvation is through the reading of the Word of God. It is now that the door of heaven (Christ) is open. It is now that God is saving a great multitude of people from around the world outside of the churches and congregations:

Revelation 7:9,13,14 After this I beheld, and, lo, a great multitude, which no man could number, of all nations, and kindreds, and people, and tongues, stood before the throne, and before the Lamb, clothed with white robes, and palms in their hands; …What are these which are arrayed in white robes? and whence came they? And I said unto him, Sir, thou knowest. And he said to me, These are they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb.

God saves through the hearing of the Word of God and no other way:

Romans 10:17 So then faith cometh by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

Read the Bible with all your family (especially your children); and along with your reading, pray for mercy. Pray to the merciful and gracious God of the Bible that He might deliver you from the approaching destruction. We learn a little about God’s tremendous compassion in the book of Jonah. God also gave advance warning to the people of Nineveh regarding the destruction of their city:

Jonah 3:4-9 And Jonah began to enter into the city a day's journey, and he cried, and said, Yet forty days, and Nineveh shall be overthrown. So the people of Nineveh believed God, and proclaimed a fast, and put on sackcloth, from the greatest of them even to the least of them. For word came unto the king of Nineveh, and he arose from his throne, and he laid his robe from him, and covered him with sackcloth, and sat in ashes. And he caused it to be proclaimed and published through Nineveh by the decree of the king and his nobles, saying, Let neither man nor beast, herd nor flock, taste any thing: let them not feed, nor drink water: But let man and beast be covered with sackcloth, and cry mightily unto God: yea, let them turn every one from his evil way, and from the violence that is in their hands. Who can tell if God will turn and repent, and turn away from his fierce anger, that we perish not?

God did not destroy the people of Nineveh. Although there is no possibility that God will not follow through on His intention to destroy the world in 2011, we can know from His dealings with the people of Nineveh that God is tenderhearted and full of mercy. This should encourage each one of us to go to God and beseech Him for His great mercy.

Psalm 86:15,16 But thou, O Lord, art a God full of compassion, and gracious, longsuffering, and plenteous in mercy and truth. O turn unto me, and have mercy upon me;…

Now, are these robes the faithful will be wearing, are they all the same size? I mean, this looks a little long, like you'd be tripping over the hem all the time...

Dressed up, and it's not yet Halloween

2011-10-17T15:09:00.016-07:00

I don't remember where I got these pictures of men in drag. Surfing the Internet like I do, I sometimes see pictures like these that strike me funny. I don't remember where I got them, but wherever they were, they were there for the world to see.

The caution is to not put pictures online that prospective employers, or even current employers, will find. So, if the guys in the photos are spotted by their bosses they might be explaining their exhibitionism. I hope not, because I'd feel guilty. Not guilty enough, though.

That tu-tu is just too-too much!

I'm not 100% sure this is a male. The partially obscured hands look mannish to me.

I call this guy Smirky, after the look on his face. I'd think he was being a joker except that he's gone to the trouble to do his nails.

He's tall enough to be on the basketball team, even if his dream is to lead the cheers.

Ooooo! Cleavage!

A self-pic to show the world his new teddy.

Not bad looking legs.

Bad-looking legs.

These men aren't in drag, but they have picked interesting apparel to model on the Web:

Smiling S&M guy:

Sultry Santa guy:

Who knows what the hell this is? Nice codpiece, though, and the hat is very dashing.

Not a male. Just checking to see if you're paying attention.