SCTV Christmas magic...Liberace, too!

Hooboy. It's Christmas time, isn't it? (Audible groan from my side of the monitor.)

I hate to be the Grinch before he repented, or the lump of coal in your stocking, but sometimes this season just goes on so long I feel that rather than Christmas being a holiday from the rest of the year, it's vice versa. This year it got upped a day, with the shopping (Black Friday) crowding into Black Thursday, so retailers could get more of our money.

But one thing Christmas does is create good video. The SCTV Television show of 30 years ago had some really fine sketches with Christmas themes, maybe some of their best sketches ever, and that's saying a lot. I consider SCTV to be one of the best comedy shows ever on television.

Catherine O'Hara does a bit as one of the bawdy comediennes of another era in "Sexy Christmas with Dusty Townes," featuring Andrea Martin as Solid Gold dancer Marcie Odette. The tall male dancer is Juul Haalmeyer, lead of the "Juul Haalmeyer Dancers." Haalmeyer was actually the show's costume designer, and his dance troupe was a running gag. "Woefully inept" is a quote someone made of the Juul Haalmeyer Dancers. John Candy plays Divine, then the most famous drag queen in movies (Hairspray and Pink Flamingoes). Both Divine (the real one) and Divine John Candy are now gone, unfortunately.



Martin Short created bizarre characters, including the totally off-the-bizarre-scale Ed Grimly, but also the singing albino, Jackie Rogers, Jr. Eugene Levy is the unfunny comedian Bobby Bitmann, who as one writer observed, "Brings insincerity to a new level of sincerity."



Last, this isn't an SCTV bit, but Liberace was almost a caricature unto himself. This is a clip from his 1954 Christmas special, featuring "Lee" himself. I remember watching this with my mother. Liberace had a regular television show at the time and I remember the candelabra, "my brother, George," and Liberace's flamboyant gayness being rich territory for comedians.



My usual disclaimer: should one of the above videos have a black screen it's because YouTube has pulled it for one reason or another. I hate it when that happens, but it does.



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In her eyes

My wife was speaking to me of a lady in her coffee klatsch. The woman is our age, widowed, and looking for another husband. She goes on dates arranged through an online service. My wife told her, "You're a brave woman."

I suppose she is, but I thought about it from my vantage point as a man who has worked with women for decades. Women who have reached a certain age know how men really are, and what they want in a man. Men who early in life found it easy to impress women sometimes have a rude awakening when they meet a woman who is seeing through them.

FICTION

Copyright © 2011 Postino

The pretty, fortyish woman, Angela her name was, Angela Jones or Johnson, he didn't remember, sat across from him in the restaurant, Juniper's, a mid-priced restaurant with good food and low noise level. She looked at him while he talked. Another woman he took to the same restaurant a few weeks before looked at the ceiling or at a point on the wall behind his head while he talked. His feeling was she wanted the night to end. He had a devilish urge, because his ego was hurt, to protract the evening as much as possible, talk about his job, his kids, his dog or his elderly mother, and so he did all of those things. She gave him an uh-huh every few sentences, but he could tell she wasn't interested.

Angela Jones-or-Johnson had more of a steady gaze, in her own way more intimidating than the woman who counted ceiling tiles while he talked. She was assessing him. What else do people do on blind dates from an online dating service? He thought, I should have taken a Valium before the date. He was on some sort of nervous conversational topic that was not unlike a fully loaded semi-truck with no brakes going down a steep grade. He talked about cars he'd owned. He asked her what she drove and she said a Subaru. He said, I thought only gay people drove Subarus and she narrowed her eyes at him. She was thinking, Oh brother, I've got a lulu here, a bigot. He saw her reaction and wished he could suck those words right out of the air and back into his mouth. It's because of the snow here, she explained, with an edge to her voice. I have an all-wheel drive car because I visit clients, she said, and sometimes I need to drive in snowy weather.

He tried to rescue himself. Of course, he said. I didn't mean that the way it sounded. Nothing against gay people. What kind of clients do you visit, you're a tax consultant didn’t you say? I’d ask you for tax advice but I know you'd have to charge me for talking, ha-ha. I drive a Toyota four-wheel drive for the same reason. This climate it can snow six months out of the year, ha-ha. She didn't laugh back, just kept her eyes narrowed. He then proceeded to go into a dissertation on cars he'd owned, which she listened to politely, but he could tell by the way she was looking at him, steady gaze or not, she wished this topic to end. Even so he couldn't stop talking.

The date ended after they shook hands. He said I had a nice time and she said me too but although outwardly polite her tone said you are boring and I won't be taking your calls so don't ask me out again. Driving home he realized he hadn't really talked to a woman in years. It was more that he talked at them. He was out of practice at carrying on a conversation with a woman. He hadn't talked to his wife for at least twenty years, not beyond what household things needed to be done, or some conversation about their kids. Once their two sons and daughter were out on their own, graduated from college and living in other cities, she was off several times a year visiting them and their growing families. The older boy was married with two kids, the girl was married and pregnant with her first child and he didn't know what his other son was doing. That boy didn't seem interested in women or in marriage. Maybe he's gay, he thought. I'll have to see if he drives a Subaru.

It got to the point where the marriage was just heading in different directions so his wife divorced him. He didn't fight it because he couldn't think of anything to say about it. When they divided their property in the lawyer's office he could tell by the way her eyes were sparking he'd better just go along with her demands. After thirty years he knew those looks, even if for the past twenty he'd ignored what they meant.

In his career as the district manager for a department store chain he worked with many women. He hadn't thought much about it. They were there in the office and they had to talk to him and sometimes their eyes sparked like his ex-wife's, sometimes a female subordinate narrowed her eyes like Angela Jones-or-Johnson did with him when she thought he was boring or maybe just full of shit, trying to impress. He laid in bed and had one of those self-revelations that can shake a man down to his center. He thought, I have to do some soul searching now that I'm back in the dating game and I realize who I thought I was, an interesting, funny and intelligent 53-year-old male, maybe isn't any of that to the women who work for me or to the two women I dated. He remembered that before he met tonight's date he'd had a fantasy about spending the night with her. His fantasy bubble popped the instant her eyes narrowed.

You can tell from the looks they give you, he thought, and the looks I get from women aren't too good. He felt he needed to sit down and really think about what he wanted out of life. Did he want a woman or not? Did thirty years of marriage teach him anything? Apparently not, but a couple of dates with women he didn't know, watching their eyes, taught him something, anyway.

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Happy birthday, Eugene Levy

Eugene Levy is 65 today.

Here's his classic SCTV take on a very relaxed Perry Como, a sketch Como was said to love.



Levy did a brilliant job as an insincere entertainer, Bobby Bittman, doing a bit on drugs for the Sammy Maudlin Show. Sammy is played by Joe Flaherty, Lola Heatherton by Catherine O'Hara.



Sid Dithers provided a catchphrase: "San Franciscky? So did you droven or did you flew?"



Thanks for the laughs! Happy birthday, Eugene.

When propaganda becomes art

Say what you will about the old Soviet Union, but they turned propaganda posters into fine art. I found these examples on a Russian website, Blogdex. If I read the English language story correctly, in the post-Soviet era they are currently used on a magazine called Agitator.

What I love the most is not the message, which for most of the posters is obscured for me because I don't read Russian, but the incredible graphic design and printing of such dynamic and dramatic images. You get Lenin, heroic workers, factory and farm production, all the things that are of another era. Some of the posters celebrate space program successes, and an especially effective one is the blue poster with a red star, commemorating the first trip into space on April 24, 1961, by cosmonaut Yuri Gagarin, .

I'm struck by the Superman-styled images of heroic, muscled men with the hammer-and-sickle on their chests.

The posters weren't used to sell outsiders on communism but for internal use, in factories, schools and offices. I don't know how effective they were as propaganda, but as works of lithographed artwork they are beautiful.




























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Class warfare: the world's longest running conflict

There's nothing new when it comes to class warfare. It's been going on a long time, long before the Occupy groups took to the streets, formed tent cities, and had the audacity to challenge the status quo of the financial institutions of the wealthiest Americans.

In 1935 cartoonist Redfield of The Daily Worker* drew some cartoons that were published in a book called The Ruling Clawss. Examples I've chosen remind me of what's being said by some of the Republican candidates, whose unhidden agenda appears to be protecting the fortunes of the richest 1% of our population. They also perpetuate stereotypes and promote disdain toward the poor.

Michele Bachmann said if a person doesn't work he shouldn't eat; Herman Cain (now thankfully gone from the pack) said if a person isn't rich it's his own fault.





But of course the class warfare against the poor by the wealthy has been going on since time immemorial. I was struck by some passages in the 2001 book, In the Wake Of the Plague by Norman F. Cantor, which goes back to the 14th Century at the time of the Black Death to echo what we've been hearing these past few months from the mouths of politicians and radio hacks who are henchmen for billionaires.

From the book: "In 1340, 60 percent of Western Europe's wealth and nearly all its political power were in the hands of some three hundred families of the higher nobility, of which there were about four dozen in England. Their wealth was literally incalculable, since it was never assessed or audited. But the income of each family was at least a billion dollars a year in today's money."

Well! That gave the peasants some sort of goal, at least, to try to better themselves. Those that were able, that is, because repressive laws of the time kept the peasants in their place. Cantor speaks of the less wealthy as the ". . . less affluent nobility and the upper stratum of the middle-class," who were attempting to imitate the wealthiest families, "as far as more constrained resources allowed. Living on credit became as common among the landed classes as it is in American society today." Over 750 years ago keeping up with the Joneses was just as tough as it is now.

There has always been a clear division between rich and poor, and it has always been troublesome. Back to Cantor: "The loosening of the bonds and bounds of rural society caused by the Black Death and resulting in the Peasants' Revolt of 1381 could have led to a working-class takeover of the government and a socialist state." There's that dirty "S" word again. Whenever someone asks for a share they are branded a socialist. Cantor: "The peasants in 1381, building on the rumbles spreading through all of rural society . . . had that possibility within their grasp. The royal government cowered fearfully in the Tower of London while a crowd of many thousands of militant peasants from eastern England gathered in a field in the London suburbs. But the peasants were naïve and the disgruntled graduate students from Oxford who had helped to articulate the peasants' grievances and demands into a vision of a Christian commonwealth were too bookish and inexperienced to be capable of directing the rebellion toward a Leninist or Maoist denouement." The mind boggles. Think of how today's society would have changed had the pinkos won out 720 years ago. We'd all be comrades marching in the May Day parade.

"The young King Richard II came riding out to meet the peasants. He assured them that he loved them and if they would go home their demands would be met and justice fulfilled. . . . The peasants dispersed and the power of he government, using the instrument of class-biased common law, came down on them hard and hung most of those identified as proletarian leaders."

From an oppressor's point of view it makes sense to commit terrorism against people who are looking to redress grievances. If you kill all the leaders you pretty much discourage a movement. There's strength in numbers, but followers get skittish if they think their protests will get them hung. I'm sure there are those amongst our modern over-privileged class and their political lap dogs who would love to see some mass hangings. But nowadays there are cell phone cameras by the millions and YouTube for a public forum. We can watch when peaceful protesters get treated rough by law's enforcement. No public hangings so far, so tear gas, pepper spray and batons for thumping protesters will have to do for now.

*Yes, I'm aware The Daily Worker was the news organ of the Communist Party, USA. It doesn't mean these cartoons don't have truth in them.

Birthday week

I tried posting these videos earlier in the week, but something happened...the browser I use, Firefox, suddenly couldn't read YouTube's embed codes. When I searched for the answer I used YouTube's old codes and they apparently worked. The videos worked with the newer codes on Google Chrome and Internet Explorer, so it was (yet another) glitch with Firefox, which can be a great browser, but can turn cranky at any moment.

This past week a very eclectic group of artists celebrated their birthdays, including:

Dave Brubeck, who turned 91:



Little Richard Penniman, 79:



Gregg Allman, 64:



Tom Waits, 62:



Sinéad O'Connor, 45:

John Lennon, 31 years gone

It seems unreal to me that 31 years have gone by since John Lennon died on December 8, 1980. Because the Beatles have been such a major presence in our lives it seems they've always been with us.

I read the news today, oh boy, that 52% of the planet's population is under 30. That means they missed seeing the Beatles during their prime. It makes me feel lucky.

I felt terrible when Lennon was killed. My wife was the one who told me and I went into instant denial. It took me a full 12 hours to finally come back to reality.

I don't even have to pull out albums. I have the Beatles and John Lennon's three disk Collector's Tin albums on my hard drive, and can listen to them anytime. When John died the 33 1/3 LP was still the standard. How far we've come in a technology sense, but not so much musically. In that way the Beatles will live on when eventually the surviving members–and even us–are gone.


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Horny Herman Cain: lie and deny

J'accuse!

While visiting family over the Thanksgiving holiday I tried to stay away from the news, and especially the Republican presidential circus. It's impossible. News that Herman Cain's mistress of 13 years has come forward was about as surprising as waking up in November to frost on the windowpanes. Rich, powerful men use riches and power to get women. Women fall for it, and men use them.

Like the parallel story of Jerry Sandusky seducing young boys, the Cain story has escalated from its original. As boys come forward about Sandusky, so do women start appearing who have had something to do with Herman Cain. It started out as sexual harassment, then went into his affair. Hm. He's a busy guy, and I don't mean just as CEO of Godfather's Pizza. I wouldn't doubt there are more women out there who just haven't entered the heat of a public spotlight, and maybe they won't. Maybe Cain was depending on silence from ex-girlfriend Ginger White.

Ginger snapped, and Herman flapped!

Here's where Herman has gone wrong. He could have said, "Yes, under the law I probably sexually harassed those women, but like many men I'm confused about what sexual harassment is. I thought I was being charming, but I thought wrong. I apologize for offending these women, and I promise to make sure I understand laws on sexual harassment and won't do it again." If he had, the story might have gone away. Instead, he lied and denied. Bad decision.

When the mistress story came up he said he'd known her for the years she claimed but they didn't have an affair. Nuh-uh, no way, said Herman. But we believe Herman was lying about the sexual harassment, so why not lie about an extramarital affair? He didn't disappoint us. He could have said, "I did have an inappropriate relationship with Ms. White, and it ended some time ago. I'm not proud of myself, knowing Mrs Cain was home stoking the home fires while I stoked the fire in Ms. White." Words to that effect, anyway.

The public isn't fooled. They are more likely to forgive a man if he issues a mea culpa for having an affair than if he lies about it. The list of politicians whose careers were ruined by affairs is long, and yet there is Newt Gingrich, who had affairs, admitted them, and has climbed in the polls, He is stepping over Hormone Cain as Cain trips himself stepping on his own dick.

Untainted (so far) by stories of infidelities are Mitt Romney (faithful Mormon...unless he has another wife somewhere), and candidates scraping along at the bottom of the polls: Ron Paul (this guy doesn't look like he's ever been laid, much less produce a son), Michelle Bachmann (I find it hard to believe anyone would want to have sex with her, but that's just me), Rick Santorum, religious, graduate of the same Catholic school my granddaughters attend, and Jon Huntsman, Jr., who is movie star handsome, like Mitt, but also a devout Mormon. Oh yeah, Rick Perry's in there somewhere, too. He's a good-looking guy, and I suppose he could have lassoed some little filly somewhere along the Chisholm Trail, but so far no one has come forward to say she's seen Rick's six-shooter outside of its holster.

I'd be sweating too if I were you, Herman.

No, Herman "Blame everyone else but me" Cain has left a trail, a history of improper and inappropriate relationships with females. The real Godfather would have made sure there were no witnesses. Apparently Herman has drawn a line, thank god, not depending on such drastic solutions to his problems. He's either paid them off or depended on their silence rather than leaving any witnesses in shallow graves somewhere in the Pine Barrens.

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A face full of vegetables

Megan Kelly, another blowhard from Fox News, defended the cops pepper-spraying passive students at UC Davis. She said pepper-spray is "a food product," vegetable derived. I'll get some pepper-spray and, since it's only food she'll let me spray it in her face. Would she then still think it's a veggie?

Something I notice about the video of the pepper-spraying is how peaceful everyone looks. The first cop is very casual about blasting them, while the students sit with arms linked, taking it. No one jumps up and tries to wrestle it out of the cop's hand, no one from the crowd intercedes. It's very Gandhi-like, very turn-the-other-cheek. It gives all the sympathy to the people on whom the spray was used, and anyone trying to defend police tactics, like the idiots at Fox News, will find themselves shouted down. The cops knew they were being filmed. I'll bet they wonder why everyone is down on them, because they were doing what they were taught to do. Now a couple of them are on administrative leave for it. The UC Davis police chief, whom I saw defending the action in an interview, is also on leave.

I didn't go to college, and even if I had I probably wouldn't have gotten involved in anything that would have earned me a dose of an irritant like Mace or pepper-spray, or especially tear gas. When I was in the Army I went through the tear gas chamber five times. Four times during my two-year hitch, and once at a summer camp for a California National Guard unit, where I spent two weeks on the side of a mountain watching artillery fire. The gas chamber was part of the training, made more relevant in that year of 1970 because National Guardsmen were using tear gas in various student and public demonstrations around the country. The Army wanted all soldiers to be aware of what tear gas—CS gas, in military nomenclature—would do.

I can tell you from first hand experience that tear gas is not good. It burns your eyes, your nose, your throat. It's actually the most unpleasant thing I've ever experienced. And not just once but five times. I told people at the time that I went through more tear gas than people who spent all their time attending demonstrations. My heart goes out to those people at UC Davis who took the pepper-spraying from close up and did nothing, but they probably helped future demonstrators. Nothing changes policy like the bright hot spotlight.

I'll bet when that campus cops went to work that day none of them thought, "I'm going to get on YouTube today by giving a bunch of peaceful protesters a face full of pepper-spray." It was probably all within the guidelines of their duties, as they understood them. But they'll be forever seen as bullies rather than police officers in performance of those duties, and that's in spite of any acquittal that may come about at a hearing in months to come.

The clichéd expression "teachable moment" comes to mind. That video can be used as a training tool for police departments in how not to react to peaceful people who refuse to move. I've noticed that more and more since these so-called non-lethal methods of crowd control were invented cops are much more likely to use them when the situation may call for more restraint than action. Tasers, pepper-spray and even rubber bullets sometimes seem more like the tools of sadists rather than law enforcement tools by those hired to be serving and protecting.

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Happy birthday, Scarlett Johansson

Scarlett Johansson was born 27 years ago today in New York City. Happy birthday, Scarlett!







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