Wednesday, April 26, 2006

¡Secretaries si. Bosses, no!

Today was Secretaries, I mean Administrative Professionals Day. I don't want to make anyone mad, but it used to be Secretaries Day, and that's the name I know it by and like.

I like secretaries. I work around them all day long. My wife is a secretary. It was also her birthday today, so she cleaned up. Her boss usually gives her a nice basket of food and goodies and this year was no exception. It was a coincidence that Secretar--errrrrr, I mean Administrative Professionals Day fell on her birthday, but she had a really big, celebrative type of day.

If there is a day set aside for secretaries, and I'm not one to knock that, but why not for other working people? Labor Day just doesn't cut it. Sure it's a federal holiday, but my boss doesn't give me a big basket of food and goodies on Labor Day. They really need to have a Working Persons Day where bosses are forced to dole out some sort of present.

That would kill my boss. He's OK with giving his secretaries a present, but it would probably put him in the hospital to give anything to the guys who work for him.

And what is this shit with Bosses Day! That comes along later in the year. I can't believe anyone would create a day for bosses. Make it Scum Of The Earth Day or Wipe Your Ass With Your Boss's Picture Day and that would be to my liking.

I've never had a boss I liked and my current one is no exception. Thirty years with the school district and without exception the bosses I've been cursed with have been incompetent, know-nothing boobs. The guy who hired me was especially bad. He had one of those affected names. He went by Jim, but his first name was B. James to make it look fancy. I used to say that the "B" in his name stood for belligerent, bellicose, bullheaded and bombastic, because he was all of those. Thank god he got cancer of the eyeball and had to retire. His cancer is now gone and thankfully, so is he. (Retired that is, not dead.)

My current boss reminds me of a living example of the Peter Principle. Remember that old book? The one that claimed that people rise to the level of their incompetence. That's my boss. He is so far out of his element it's pathetic. He came to us after being a failed high school coach and even failed at being a manager of a tire store.

When he gives orders what we do is take what he says, say "sure, we can do that," then go off and do things our own way. It's called passive-aggressive, but it's the only way to deal with a fat dickhead like him.

I would take a brick up the side of the head before I'd give him a present on Bosses Day. It galls me that one day I'll have to turn in my retirement papers and that will be enough to put him celebrating, so I told him maybe I'll just wait until he dies and then retire, just so I won't make him too happy.

He's so damn stupid he thinks I'm kidding. Yeah, right, boss...I'm kidding. Har-de-har-har.

Don't write me and tell me what a great boss you have, or if you're a boss that you're the exception. You don't have a good boss because there are none, so you must be some sort of kiss ass, and you aren't a good boss because "good boss" is an oxymoron. You're a moron just like all of the other bosses.

I am reasonably sure that Bosses Day was invented by some sycophantic knob-polisher trying to brownie up his supervisor. Well, good for him. But don't expect me to break out my wallet when you're taking up a collection for flowers for the old boy, because I'll just hawk a loogie into the plate.

Anyway, after all of that, I'd like to introduce you guys to my favorite secretary, Little Heartbreaker. I'm not going to tell you whether she is buttoning or unbuttoning that top, but whatever...I'd love to give her something special on her Secretaries...errrrr, damn, I mean Administrative Professionals Day.

Ciao for now, El Postino

No comments: