Monday, August 20, 2007

A Mutt, Not A Mitt

Click on pictures for full-size images.

Dear Mitt,

Thanks so much for the letter and the photo of your family. I notice that everyone in that Mitt-group looks like they're in the top 10% of good-looking people. I must say that you and your family make me feel like a mutt. Get it? "Mutt," Mitt?

I notice all your sons are married and look like good family men. This picture tells us without "telling us" that you didn't raise any "unmanly" men. Wink-wink, nudge-nudge.

I'm a Utah resident, was born a Mormon, baptized, and even hold the Aaronic priesthood office of "priest." I'll bet you'd have a hard time explaining to your Massachusetts Catholic friends (if you have any of them, that is), how Mormons can make a 16-year-old boy a priest. I confess, I stopped at being a priest, because I quit the church before I was old enough to be an elder. That's rich, too. Mormons make "elders" out of 19-year-olds when they send them on church missions! Another peculiarity of a peculiar people.

Or maybe you don't know how peculiar because except for living here when you took over the reins of the 2002 Winter Olympics, you have never been a Utahn. Mormon yes. Utahn no. Still, your support here is strong. Utahns are with you in spirit, Mitt. Some of them, anyway. Some of them think you see Utah Mormons as a cash cow to be milked, and milked often.

Here's something I noticed about your letter to me, Mitt. You tell us you have been a great business leader, Olympics leader, and also a conservative governor of the most liberal state in the Union. I don't know if being governor qualifies you, because George W. Bush was a governor, too. He couldn't do a very good job with his state and he's done a really shitty job with the country.

I'm also not so sure about your qualifications considering your success in business. I've found that lots of politicians like to invoke their business smarts when running for office, but political realities are different. For instance, you can't lay off whole sections of the country that are affecting your financial bottom line. It's my opinion that successful business people make rotten political leaders, and all you have to do is look at George W. Bush and Dick Cheney for proof of that.

So that leaves your qualifications as head of the 2002 Winter Olympics and I have to admit, you put on a really good show. But you got called in because some other people didn't do a good job. I think you should give at least a little bit of credit to the underlings who really pulled things off for you. I don't see their names mentioned.

Mitt, thanks again for the letter, but I can't vote for you, and I can't join Team Mitt. I can't help elect a person whose main qualification is that he's good-looking, and secondarily that he was a one-term governor or a successful businessman. None of those things make someone presidential material in my eyes. So I'm going to have to skip the honor of sending you my money.Ciao for now,


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