The Fuckit List

Everyone knows the Bucket List, the list of things you want to do before you die. What if you don't want to do anything before you die? What if you absolutely hate the things people want to do before they die? What if you hate lists, but you still have to make your own list? That's where the Fuckit List comes in.

For instance:

I do not want to skydive before I die. So, FUCKIT!

I have more:

I do not want to learn how to fly a plane.

I do not want to climb a mountain.

I do not want to drive in the Indianapolis 500.

I do not want to swim in a tank with sharks, octopi, piranhas or dolphins, and especially not on porpoise (yuk-yuk).

I do not want to go to exotic places on the globe.

I do not want to go to exotic places on the globe and eat exotic foods, whose origins I cannot determine.

I do not want to go to exotic places on the globe and hack my way through jungles, encounter huge spiders or lizards, or cannibal headhunters.

I do not want to spend any time in jail or prison.

I do not want to spend any time in jail or prison in Mexico, Iran, Turkey or ___________________ (fill in the blank).

I do not want to have dinner with a movie star.

I do not want to have sex with a movie star because no movie star would have sex with me.

I do not want to have dinner or sex with a famous politician.

I do not want to watch a snuff film. Even if it features a famous politician.

I do not want to be the snuffee in a snuff film.

I do not want to play chess.

I do not want to play any board games, like Monopoly.

I do not want to play any games at all, including mind games.

I do not want to buy an iPad. I want an iPad, I just don't want to have to buy it.

I do not want to take any illegal drugs.

I do not want to stand in lines at a pharmacy to buy legal drugs.

I do not want to take any legal drugs.

To all of these things I don't want to do (and the many more I will think of after I post this), so, FUCKIT!