Mitt: the visitor who won’t go home

The elections are over. Why won’t Mitt Romney go home, or at least just go away from my home? It seems that every night on the news something else comes out about him. The latest “news” is about his phone calls to donors, and attempts to explain his way out of the embarrassment of losing millions of dollars of their donated money. He's telling them something about President Obama promising “gifts” to minorities and young voters. It shows that Romney really does not understand why he is not now President-elect Romney — or if he does, won’t admit it. Because it’s his own fault. When the final analysis of the 2012 elections is written, and boy howdy, the pundits were given reams of material to write about, all of Romney’s missteps, one after another, will be documented. In the immortal words of Richard Nixon, explaining his downfall to David Frost: “I gave them a sword. . .” 

Romney came close, and had he not sabotaged his own campaign by opening his mouth, he could very well be on his way to 1600 Pennsylvania. So Mitt Romney — who admitted in one of his phone calls he is “in denial” —  really needs to re-enter reality. He needs to shut up and go somewhere; take a rest, a vacation. Maybe he should go visit his bank accounts in the Cayman Islands. Leave us poor election-weary citizens alone.

Please, Mitt, go. I’ll even call you a taxi.

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It's not about sex, except when it is

Last night on MSNBC, Lawrence O'Donnell gave a long explanation of why former General David Petraeus’ downfall wasn't about sex, but about poor judgment. In a way I agree with O’Donnell, especially when he said leaving a record of e-mails exhibited very bad judgment. How many affairs don’t leave some sort of written record? In the old days it was love letters in someone’s personal handwriting, discovered by a spouse, that sank an affair.

But of course it was about sex. I submit that most men with normal sex drives can be seduced in the right circumstances (or, if you will, the wrong circumstances). And if they can be seduced once, they can be seduced more than once. I would not be surprised if news comes out that Petraeus has had more than one affair in his time rising to his star position in the Army and later the CIA.

Not about sex? Are you kidding?

I’m in a quoting mood in this post. A situation like this always reminds me of the movie, Used Cars, when Kurt Russell is told, “Don't let the little head do the thinking for the big head.” Those are words for any man to live by, and if a man will follow that simple admonition he will avoid many problems.

(I’m also old enough to remember Profumo affair in 1963, and how titillated we all were by sex and scandal in Great Britain, not knowing at the time how many of our own government sex scandals we’d be dealing with in our future.)

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This looks like it would hurt

This incredible gizmo was advertised in a 1950 detective magazine. I assume it is to insert in a man’s rectum, and massage the prostate gland with heat.

Ouch.

I cannot imagine using this machine, and not just because I have no prostate, having had it removed nearly four years ago when cancer was discovered. No, I am trying to visualize what humiliating position a man would have to be in when self-inserting such a device. Or, in another scenario, asking someone else to do the inserting. I have never before seen, or even heard of massaging one’s own prostate. So I did what I usually do: I looked it up on the Internet.

My query led me to this (author unknown):

“You can feel your prostate once you get past your sphincter muscle and it usually feels like a walnut when you curl your finger towards your stomach. Now, a prostate massage is another matter: using the prostate as an erogenous zone to increase sexual pleasure. The theory behind it being good for you is because it can promote emptying of the seminal/cowper's fluid and this can potentially decrease your chances of prostate tumors in later life (similar to the notion that masturbation is good for men). Medically, you have to be careful when performing or receiving prostate messages as too much pressure can bruise the prostate and this is very painful. You can reduce some of the risk by using a commercially available prostate massagers with plenty of lube. Talk to your doctor or urologist for more insight.”

Like I said, ouch.