A flash to the Sixties

Here's a 1960s flashback: Jennifer Anniston does a turn as Barbra Streisand on the current issue of Harper's Bazaar. The catch is you won't see this cover on the newsstands, since it's only on the subscriber edition.

I think Jennifer is awfully cute and the Streisand image they chose to replicate is the one from 1963-64, the Streisand of Funny Girl and the famous TV special, My Name Is Barbra.

I went to the original article and on Google Books found this cover of Life from May, 1964, as well as the first page of their article.

I hadn't really thought about it, but up until that point in American popular music the female stars presented on TV were almost always the "All-American Girl" types, with bobbed noses and blonde hair. Nothing against those girls, but Streisand's ethnicity caught my eye when I first saw her. She used to make jokes about her nose, but once I read she didn't get it fixed because a doctor had told her he couldn't guarantee her voice would be the same. So she kept it, and good for her.

Speaking of the sixties...

It was a time when girls and women went nutty for fashion, and we guys really enjoyed watching how far up those hemlines would go! Here's a picture of some folks from Swingin' London. The mod in the middle is quite the natty dresser, like the Kinks song, "A Dedicated Follower of Fashion." ("He flits from shop to shop just like a butterfly..." A gay reference, I believe.) The gals are dressed to be looked at. Stopping traffic, from the picture.

I found these patterns in a thrift store and picked them up for their artwork. I noticed something...they are all made to fit a woman size 14, bust size 36. I assume they came from the same person. The first two are from '67, the last two are from '69, maternity fashions. So what happened in between? Ah, you figured it out, didn't you.

Happy birthday, Kyra Sedgwick

Kyra Sedgwick turned 45 today.

This beautiful actress is the star and executive producer of The Closer, shown on TNT Monday nights. It's in its sixth season, which means it's popular enough to stay on the air, and I believe much of the appeal of the program is Ms Sedgwick herself. I'm not dismissing the ensemble cast, which is excellent. But none of the guys are as pretty as the star.

As most of her viewers know, Kyra is married to actor Kevin Bacon, and has been for several years. A Hollywood marriage that works! Amazing.

I wonder if she gets annoyed when people bring up the old party game, Six Degrees of Kevin Bacon?

Happy birthday, Kyra Sedgwick!

Bookstore tales

From 1976 to 1981 I worked part-time in the rare books department of a large full-service bookstore in Salt Lake City, Utah. Our store was sought out because it was a counter-culture center, and it was celebrated by locals and out-of-town visitors as a liberal oasis in the middle of the conservative Utah desert. I got to know quite a few of my loyal customers because they came in several times a month, but some customers came in once or twice a year, to coincide with the Latter-day Saints Church General Conference in April and October. They were usually people from out of the state, or even out of the country, who made a pilgrimage to the Mormon Mecca for enlightenment by church authorities.

The fantasy artist Frank Frazetta died earlier this year. In the last couple of decades he was famous for his paintings where for many years before that he had been mainly known to just a hardcore group of fans. Frazetta had illustrated paperback book covers, comic books, and magazine covers, but he became really well known to the general public when this bestselling trade paperback book,The Fantastic Art of Frank Frazetta, came out in 1975. We sold a lot of copies of the book. On a day in 1980 a man came up to me in the store.He said to me, "I'm from Canada. I was here three years ago for Conference, and I remember there was a book of paintings by Frazetta. I didn't get it then, but I want it." He then pointed to a shelf. "It was right there! I remember, it was right there!" I saw a look in his eye. Sometimes you can tell obsessive-compulsive disorder by the wide-eyed and frenzied look, and this guy had it bad. My immediate reaction was, "He thought it was going to be in the same spot on the shelf for three years?" but there's no telling what customers think. Especially if they're people who've been thinking about Frank Frazetta for three years. I said, "Hold on there, pal...I think I can help."

I remembered that I had some worn copies we'd taken in trade a few months before. I found them on a back shelf waiting to be priced. The one I sold him was well-used, so I only charged him $2.00 and from his ecstatic reaction I felt like the Angel Moroni handing him the Golden Plates.

At one point we had a lot of copies of Warren magazines for sale on our shelves. Warren was a publisher who began with the cult magazine, Famous Monsters Of Filmland, then went into black-and-white comic books, fantasy and horror, usually with some sex involved. A cowboy from Wyoming had driven about 300 miles to buy Warren magazines from us, but in the months we'd had them on display they hadn't sold, so by the time he came in they were in boxes in a storage basement. He had such a fit that other employees gathered around to hear his rant. To satisfy him I went down two flights of stone steps and brought up the boxes one at a time. Out of five or six boxes of several dozen magazines each he bought maybe a dozen copies or so, so after the guy made his purchase my boss told me to set the boxes aside. He sold them to another local bookseller and told me, "If that cowpoke comes back in tell 'im to get on his horse and go over to see Pete." Pete was a local character who had guns under his counter in case he got robbed. I figured he could probably outdraw the cowboy if he was causing trouble.

In one case a customer of mine was caught stealing. He was suspected of shoplifting, so one of the employees brought his kids into the store, and when the man came in the kids followed him around and watched as he put a book under his coat. No one ever notices kids, even kids who are spying on them. The guy had been good for a lot of business, but maybe he felt we owed him something so he took freebies. He was banned from the store after that.

Another time my boss bought a big box of various issues of Classics Illustrated comic books someone brought in. He didn't really know what to do with them, but I had an idea. It was nearly June, the end of school. I put them on the shelf with a sign, "Kids! Remember your last minute book reports! Only $1.00!" I had no idea the trouble that would cause when a local teacher saw the sign and complained loudly to my boss. We even got a letter about our practices from the Better Business Bureau, no less. To me and my coworkers it was funny, but I ended up pulling them off the shelf and putting them back in the box. Maybe my boss sold those to Pete, too.

Before I worked in a bookstore I hung out in bookstores. I still do. Bookstore people, both customers and employees, are different. When you get into rare books or comics or anything else that can be collected you run into some oddballs. I had my share of that. I also saw myself in my customers, as if reflected in a funhouse mirror. After that when going into a used or rare bookstore I tried not to act too crazy or obsessive. It hasn't always worked for me.

Happy birthday, Gary Larson

It's Gary Larson's 60th birthday today.

Larson, who did the comic panel, "The Far Side", for 15 years, is still reaping the rewards of his twisted imagination. "Far Side" products continue to sell. No one else wrote or drew jokes like Larson, and they are still being appreciated.

I have an unused 1988 desktop calendar by Larson. I tried to sell it on eBay a few years ago and got no takers. If 1988 ever comes around again I'll try again.

My favorite book of Larson's is PreHistory Of The Far Side. If you've ever wondered what goes into the creative process this is a great book. Most fun are the panels that were misunderstood by readers, had captions switched, or were otherwise disasters. I also like the back cover, with its fake class picture. It's kind of scary, but that Larson figure in the middle row looks like me in sixth grade.

It's hard to be funny occasionally, much less 365 days a year for 15 years, but I think Larson came as close as anyone.

"The Far Side" Copyright © 2010 FarWorks, Inc.

Larson's people are vigilant about tracking down images on the Internet. My suggestion if you want to see more of "The Far Side" is buy his books, calendars, or one of the multitudes of other licensed products. Here's a letter that has circulated around the Internet purportedly sent by Larson to folks violating his copyrights. Nice letter, but he does make his point:

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

I'm walking a fine line here.

On the one hand, I confess to finding it quite flattering that some of my fans have created web sites displaying and / or distributing my work on the Internet. And, on the other, I'm struggling to find the words that convincingly but sensitively persuade these Far Side enthusiasts to "cease and desist" before they have to read these words from some lawyer.

What impact this unauthorized use has had (and is having) in tangible terms is, naturally, of great concern to my publishers and therefore to me -- but it's not the focus of this letter. My effort here is to try and speak to the intangible impact, the emotional cost to me, personally, of seeing my work collected, digitized, and offered up in cyberspace beyond my control.

Years ago I was having lunch one day with the cartoonist Richard Guindon, and the subject came up how neither one of us ever solicited or accepted ideas from others. But, until Richard summed it up quite neatly, I never really understood my own aversions to doing this: ''It's like having someone else write in your diary," he said. And how true that statement rang with me . In effect, we drew cartoons that we hoped would be entertaining or, at the very least, not boring; but regardless, they would always come from an intensely personal, and therefore original perspective.

To attempt to be "funny" is a very scary, risk-laden proposition. (Ask any stand-up comic who has ever "bombed" on stage.) But if there was ever an axiom to follow in this business, it would be this: be honest to yourself and -- most important -- respect your audience.

So, in a nutshell (probably an unfortunate choice of words for me), I only ask that this respect be returned, and the way for anyone to do that is to please, please refrain from putting The Far Side out on the Internet. These cartoons are my "children," of sorts, and like a parent, I'm concerned about where they go at night without telling me. And, seeing them at someone's web site is like getting the call at 2:00 a.m. that goes, "Uh, Dad, you're not going to like this much, but guess where I am."

I hope my explanation helps you to understand the importance this has for me, personally, and why I'm making this request.

Please send my "kids" home. I'll be eternally grateful.

Most respectfully,

Gary Larson

Happy birthday, Joe Jackson

Joe Jackson is 56 today. Happy birthday, Joe.

When I listen to Joe Jackson's music I believe I'm listening to something apart from the normal run of popular music. Back in the '80s I don't know if anyone truly knew how to categorize him, and it's probably because there is no category.

I've always thought "Is She Really Going Out With Him?" shows the difference between men and women. A guy is puzzled because pretty girls are "walking with gorillas down my street." Guys often don't understand the appeal some men have for some women. They don't know that women can see beyond mere looks, unlike men, for whom looks are paramount. Sorry guys, you know it's true. Women are looking for something different in men than men are looking for in women. And thank goodness for that. Otherwise us homely guys wouldn't have ever gotten the girl!

The bass line on this song drives it. It's a great song for listening to in the car. Get on the freeway, turn up the volume and the bass will take you away.

A song about heartbreak. **Sniff** **Sniff** Sorry, I'm too broken in two to comment...

I hadn't heard this song before this morning when I was searching YouTube. It's from the Craig Kilborn show, Joe solo on his piano.

Did beards go away and come back...and I just didn't hear about it?

I read an article in my local newspaper, "Are Beards Back?" I was surprised by the headline because I didn't know beards had gone away. That's what I get for ignoring any kind of fashion trend for at last forty years. I didn't know it was at any point in that period unhip to wear a beard.

Dapper Dave Miller and I in the early '80s. Dave went into a line of work where he had to shave off his beard, and too bad, because it was a good one.

I grew mine in 1973 and it's been my more-or-less constant companion ever since. In the seventies hair exploded. One man my father's age told me he couldn't figure out why "you guys went nuts and grew your hair out," and then said, "I did a little research and found out that men's hair and beards come back every hundred years or so." Aha! So beards and long hair are like the play, Brigadoon, sprouting every century, only to disappear for another hundred years.

In 2005, with our first grandchild. Beard white.

A few days ago, in the act of trimming, I chopped a big hole in my beard, so I took it down to stubble. Even people who have known me for years will not comment because they are either a) polite or b) don't even notice the difference. I figure there were two types of guys, those who can grow whiskers and those who can't. If I'd never been able to raise a beard I don't think I would have cared. It's not like going bald where a guy might have hairplugs or wear a toupee. Hey, there's a thought: a beard toupee for men who can't grow beards!

I read a letter in the newspaper many years ago where a woman said men have beards because they "hide a skin condition". She didn't even know me yet she had busted me. Beards are great for hiding stuff you don't want anyone to see.

I get a kick out of the "No play for Mister Gray" commercials, with guys coloring their gray beards. C'mon, men...you're not fooling anybody. By the time your beard has turned white you've earned it.

Happy birthday, Ronnie Spector and Ian Anderson

Today's birthdays include Ronnie Spector, who is 67, and Ian Anderson of Jethro Tull, 63.

When Ronnie sang "Be My Baby" there were a whole lotta guys who would have been her baby. As it was she picked nutbar Phil Spector, but luckily got away before she met the same fate as the woman he killed. This clip from Shindig shows how sexy and cute the Ronettes were, and how Ronnie could move those hips.

Jethro Tull, they of the dark sound, and live, the gyrations of Ian Anderson. His distinctive voice is just one of the many memorable things about this unique band.

Happy birthday to the both of you! When we listen to these great songs we're all living in the past.

Ronnie Spector and the Ronettes, Be My Baby

Jethro Tull, Living In The Past

Aqualung

Happy birthday, Stan Freberg

Stan Freberg is 84 today. Freberg has made me laugh for over 50 years, and I want you to spend some time here today reviewing what I consider Stan Freberg's greatest hits.

First up, from Stan's The United States of America Volume One, the classic "Yankee Doodle," mixing jazz with the "mouldy fig" music of the American Revolution.

Bad Scene, Bix!

Freberg was an advertising man, among his many other talents. This commercial, which came out in 1967, combines the Lark cigarette man, the Lone Ranger and Tonto with the William Tell Overture, and the Jeno's Pizza Rolls jingle.

Pizza Rolls

Lawrence Welk, whose distinctive voice and speech patterns made him easy to mimic, is skewered by Freberg in this skit, originally from his radio program, but so popular it was put on record. In this YouTube video it's set to actual footage from the Welk program by a fan. Welk was reputed to have hated Freberg's record. No wonder! But to the rest of us it's...

...Wun'erful Wun'erful

One of Freberg's most popular take-offs on songs of the day is "Sh-Boom," a hit which came out in two versions, one by the original doo-wop group, The Chords, and the other "white" version by the Crewcuts. Freberg incorporated "A Streetcar Named Desire" in his version, with "Stellllllllaa!" The sound quality on this one is a little bit less than I like, but it is done from the original 78, on an old record player, and by itself that makes it worth it.

Another song done to the chagrin of the original artist is "C'est Si Bon." Eartha Kitt, who sang the original, told Freberg she couldn't wait for his version to go off the charts.

Sh-Boom & C'est Si Bon

Finally, Freberg in his advertising mode, did this Busby Berkeley takeoff for Great American Soups. Years later he complained that people told him they remembered it as being Campbell Soups. That meant he had failed, because it was supposed to implant the brand name in the mind of the viewer. What we remember is Ann Miller, her long legs and black hair, dancing on the soup can while singing the jingle.

Ann Miller makes a production out of everything

Stan Freberg with his song parodies and commercials, Harvey Kurtzman with Mad comics, and Sid Caesar with his television show all set the standard for satire from the early 1950s until today. They laid the groundwork for a show likeSaturday Night Live and every comedy since. We Baby Boomers would be the poorer for not having had these geniuses to make us laugh.

It was 65 years ago today...

Hiroshima, August 6, 1945

Sixty-five years ago today, August 6, 1945, a U.S. bomber crew dropped a nuclear bomb on Hiroshima, Japan.

Three days later they bombed Nagasaki, Japan. Shortly after that the Japanese surrended to the United States and the war was over. It was the biggest, most devastating war in the history of the world. Millions of people died, many of them innocent. The atom bombs made the devastation much more efficient.

Nagasaki, August 9, 1945

It's been talked about, debated and discussed for many years, but one thing is clear: the United States is the only country to ever use nuclear devices on a civilian population in time of war.

Scientists studied the bombings of the Japanese cities for years. It was clear from the first that if the explosion didn't kill you, the radioactivity would. Despite that the U.S. conducted testing of nuclear devices above ground for years until forced to stop. They tested the bombs in Nevada, and waited to set them off when the prevailing winds blew over Utah, which had a "low yield segment of the population." Over the decades people who were in the path of the nuclear testing have come to be known as Downwinders, with high rates of cancer and other medical problems out of proportion to their population.

Since the very earliest part of the atomic age, scientists, the military, the U.S. government, have known the effects of nuclear bombs. To teach us schoolchildren to "duck and cover" during a nuclear attack was a total whitewash. They knew that anyone within a certain radius would be vaporized. An argument for using the first nuclear weapons was that they would end the war. They did. But they also dropped bombs on an innocent population at home, and while I can accept the reasoning of the Hiroshima and Nagasaki bombings, there's no excuse for what happened to U.S. civilians after the war was over.

Whither a creator?

On the Science Channel program, Through the Wormhole, host Morgan Freeman asked, is there a creator of the universe?

I'm not religious, but I'm not a scientist, either. I'm a layman with curiosity and a capacity to listen and form opinions. Since it's a science program, religious people who are strictly faith-based weren't polled on their opinions of God. One scientist said he thought God was in our brains, that in the right side of our brain we could stimulate those feelings of that "something" that people perceive as God. Another scientist said he saw God as being a future human, someone who is descended from us, who has created us as simulations on a future super computer.

Manipulating the brain to produce a God-euphoria seems reasonable; the future humans using super computers with us as sims seems like a science fiction hypothesis. It sounds like those "cosmic" beer and wine-inspired discussions my buddies and I had in our early twenties. Everyone at some point has wondered if they're real; everyone has wondered if anyone else but them is real. Maybe I'm the only real living human and everyone else is a simulation! I try to chase thoughts like that out of my head.

Years ago I heard two older gentlemen arguing about some mysteries of God. One man asked if God has a mother; the other man railed at him for asking such a thing, claiming it's a mystery the answer to which human beings will never be privy. My feeling on hearing the two men argue was to think, "If the God you believe in gives a person the mental capacity and intellectual curiosity to ask such a question, isn't that a sign that it is not after all a mystery that God would never allow to be solved?" As scientists delve ever more deeply into what makes us living, sentient creatures, uncovering secrets in our cells, they are finding things about our humanity which at one time were strictly heresy. During the Inquisition such a quest for knowledge would have earned the scientists a place on the rack. Ideas of God change over time; ideas of our relationship to God and religion change over time.

I'm not too interested in a question like does God have a mom. If I were to get in a meditative mood I might ask these questions:

With billions of stars and planets and universes, is Earth the only place in any universe with intelligent life? Is it a special place like a creator's laboratory, where species are tried out?

If there is a creator who created us, and there are other planets with intelligent life, did the same creator create them? Did that creator set them on an evolutionary path the same way he did on earth, and did that other life turn out like us, or something wholly different with similar DNA?

Is that creator someone who just set everything in motion, or the personalized God of religion; the omnipotent being who knows when a sparrow falls, or just a being who sits back and watches what happens without interfering?

I don't look to theologians for answers to science questions, just as I don't look to scientists for spiritual advice. I know enough about the human mind to know that everyone has a slightly different take on God, even when they say they believe in the same God as their neighbors. I know how intricate are the ways of belief in the human mind. Look how many religions there are in the world! What is it that makes yours special to you, as special as the religious folks on another continent who have a completely different idea of God (or gods)?

Why do you believe what you do, and why do people have faith in their own beliefs? There are a lot of mysteries out there. I just wonder if there are solutions to those mysteries, or if they will forever remain beyond our intellectual grasp. I don't know if there is a creator. I don't know if Earth is the only planet with life in all those universes. I don't know why we're here and what our purpose is, or if we even have a purpose beyond perpetuating our species. I don't know if we survive in another form after we die.

Most likely I won't know the answers to any of these mysteries. The questions are too hard. Yes, there are folks who say they have the answers, but I don't trust their opinions, any more than I would expect them to trust mine. Whether the universe sprang into being on its own, or whether it was created, it's all just one big puzzle to me. It will be until someone puts the truth in front of me and I, using the brain a creator may or may not have given me, recognize it as such.

Cheer up

We got our property tax assessment the other day. We're not so surprised that the value of our property has gone down, but we were surprised that our taxes have gone up. It's always an ouch! when we see what we owe. Here's something I've said many times. We have paid off our mortgage, but if you think you own your home try not paying your property taxes. You find out then who really owns your home.

But Sally and I have it so much better than other people. We didn't lose our jobs, we retired, and had we not retired we'd still be working, because there have been no layoffs where we worked. So to people who have lost their jobs, lost their homes, it's more than an economic downturn or recession, it's a full-blown depression. I feel very sorry for those folks.

What I'm seeing lately is the split personality of Americans. On the one hand they scream about deficit spending, yet sign up for Social Security, or Medicaid or Medicare when they're eligible. In their day when these programs were planned they were called evil by detractors, as if they'd cause the downfall of our country. But the social safety nets, as expensive as they are, have helped a lot of people and have become part of our everyday lives. Socialism is a dirty word in America, yet we have socialism in several programs, even those programs used by people who scream about socialism.

The Great Depression of the 1930s pointed out the need for programs to provide a social safety net. We aren't in a Great Depression like we were then. Very little is the same. In the worst part of the Depression there was 25% unemployment. Right now we have 9.5% unemployment, which isn't good but it doesn't reach that 1930s level. We came close in that earlier era to a revolution. Unless they lived through it, most Americans nowadays have no idea how depressing a depression can be.

But unlike today, where we have cable channels giving us 24 hours of bad news, in the 1930s, even in the darkest times, there was a streak of optimism. I was surprised to go through the Internet Archive music files, old 78 rpm records, to see there were some very cheery songs to help with public morale. So turn up the volume. If you're still working, play these for your fellow workers. If you're at home using the Internet to find a job, play them in the background while you search.

Good luck to you, and remember, cheer up, good times are coming.

Cheer Up, Good Times Are Coming, Phil Spitaloni Orch., vocal by Bill Cody.

Keep Your Sunny Side Up, Chick Endor.

When You're Smiling, Cliff Bruner.

I'll See You In My Dreams, Cliff Edwards. You may remember Cliff Edwards as the voice of Jiminy Cricket. Edwards was also known early in his career as Ukelele Ike.

Emitt Rhodes

Emitt Rhodes had a talent for pop songs. He led the '60s band, The Merry Go Round, which in looks and songs brought to mind the Beatles. Here they are on TV in 1967 doing their hit, “You’re a Very Lovely Woman.”

Rhodes himself, who wrote the songs, sang lead, played guitar and piano--at age 17, I might add--went on to a solo career. The Merry-Go-Round owed the record company one more record, so after they broke up Rhodes recorded The American Dream in 1969. In 1970 he came out with his masterpiece, his self-titled album, Emitt Rhodes.

Not only was the album self-titled, it was self recorded on a four-track machine in his parents' garage in Hawthorne, California. "With My Face On the Floor" is my favorite from that album, and what you're hearing is all Rhodes, multi-tracking his own instruments, vocals and harmonies. He maintained total control. It's the way he recorded his next two albums, also.

The album took a year to produce and Rhodes' record company, which had a contract with him to produce an album every six months, decided to sue. This put a damper on Rhodes' spirit, but not his creativity. He did two more solo albums, Mirror and Farewell to Paradise. This song is from his last album. It was done in 1971 for British TV and looks like a very early music video.

Rhodes retired from the recording business at age 24 and went on to other endeavors. A few years ago an Italian company put out a documentary, The One Man Beatles, about Rhodes. It's always interesting to me that foreigners have to tell us how great our music is. The Germans sent us imports of our own bluegrass music, and several compilations of the blues were being sold in Europe to music lovers, artists whom the American people had forgotten. Ditto Japan, which came out with their own Rhodes compilation before this American set was released.  The Emitt Rhodes Recordings 1969-1973, a double CD with all four of Rhodes' solo albums, is a domestic American product. It can be bought through Amazon for $29.99, not exactly cheap. It's released by A&M, A Universal Music Corporation, a surprise in itself. This is big business, and a commitment to this treatment seems rare, especially to an artist from decades ago when current rock acts have the lifespan of a fruitfly.

Rhodes' exceptional voice and songwriting skills remind me of Paul McCartney at his peak. Emitt Rhodes, the gifted songwriter, singer, performer of nearly four decades ago is now 60 years old. I think it's time for Emitt Rhodes to get his proper due. Linda Ronstadt did a version of Rhodes' "You're A Very Lovely Woman," retitled "She's A Very Lovely Woman," and this is a rare clip from the Johnny Cash show, circa 1969. I'm surprised more artists didn't pick up on Rhodes' songs, which are full of catchy musical hooks.

Are men expected to read women's minds?

A recent letter from a husband in advice columnist Carolyn Hax's newspaper column asked: “Why do women expect men to be mind readers?” He then followed up with his reason for asking: “My wife has been grousing around lately. She finally erupted, ‘Just once I'd like to come home and find you made the salad for dinner!’”

He responds to his wife, “You want a salad? Call/text/e-mail and it's yours!” To which [the wife] replied with those killer words, “I shouldn't have to!”

I have sympathy for this man, but Carolyn Hax is not nearly so understanding in her response to him:

“Why do people attribute to an entire sex the behavior of one person?” Hax is calling out the guy for making a broad generalization and based on his question using her own broad generalization.

She defends the wife by saying the husband should “see her as a person . . . like you.” Well, duh.

Hax, being female, gives the feminine perspective on this: “. . . your wife has an idea of the way a romantic relationship is supposed to look. Apparently, she believes a loving mate will study her wants and needs, and then step up wordlessly to satisfy those needs.”

Toward the end of her lecture she tells the man, “. . . so ask her what the salad thing is really about — feelings, not food. “I feel discouraged/frustrated/lonely, and here's why” invites you into each other’s thoughts. That's what intimacy is about.”

Without answering the man’s question directly, Hax has gone over to the woman’s side and basically told the man he should be able to read his wife’s mind by knowing that the “salad thing” is not the real problem, it’s that he won’t find out what’s really wrong with her. And the poor man is left more puzzled than ever, compounding the mysteries of his wife’s behavior with the answer from another female.

A guy can unknowingly upset a wife who looks at him while he is grimacing and thinks the grimace is directed at her. Suddenly she may withdraw into a zone where she could be thinking, “What did I do to make him angry? Why did he give me that look? Did I under cook the fish we had for dinner? Is he upset with me over spending too much money? Why won't he say anything to me? What did I do and why won't he tell me?” Actually, he’s grimacing because he just saw on the TV listings his favorite Thursday night show, Survivor, has been canceled for an ice skating special. It would be great if he could read her mind and tell her, “Hey, honey, that sourball look wasn't directed at you, honest. I’m not mad at you and the fish you fixed for dinner was delicious!” He'd be a lot better off, because later, when he decides he’d like to get romantic with her she will turn a cold shoulder and then he’s left to wonder, “What did I do?”

He may ask, “Honey, what's the matter. Is something wrong?” to which she will probably respond, “Oh...it's nothing...I just have a slight headache...” rather than address her concerns. In this way the simplest misunderstanding can escalate.

Decades ago my wife and I had talks about this very thing. Many women who detect feelings with a finely-tuned female radar, expect men to be the same. We’re not. Men just have a different way of communicating than women, and the sexes often misunderstand each other. Men have a much more direct way. My old Army sergeants told me in no uncertain terms what they wanted, man-to-man; no non-verbal communication there.

I’m not surprised the man writing to Carolyn Hax assumes that women expect men to read their minds. In a way they do, because as Hax admits they expect their significant other to be responsive to their feelings and needs. Some simple advice for both men and women: it helps to tell your partner what you want. A simple request from her, “When you get home from work I’d appreciate you getting the dinner salad. It would help so much.” The guy can then say, “Sure! You want vinaigrette dressing on that?” and she can say, “I'd like Italian, because I’m fixing pasta.” Great. The guy has clear cut instructions. He’s thinking, “I know what I’m having for dinner and all I have to do is fix the salad,” and the wife is thinking, “Maybe tomorrow night I can get him to take out the garbage!” He probably will, too, if she doesn’t expect him to look into her brain and see what she wants.

Words women use

"

This is one of those e-mails that floats around the Internet. My friend Peggy sent it to me with a note, "There's a lot of truth in this." More than you know, Peggy. At one time or another, and sometimes more than once, I have heard one or more of these expressions from a woman. Men, take note. Paying attention may save a relationship, a marriage, or even save you from a night in the doghouse.

WORDS WOMEN USE:

(1) "Fine" : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

(2) "Five Minutes": If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

(3) "Nothing": This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "fine".

(4) "Go ahead": This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

(5) Loud Sigh: This is not a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to # 3 for the meaning of nothing.)

(6) "That's okay": This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

(7) "Thanks": A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say you're welcome. (I want to add in a clause here - This is true, unless she says 'Thanks a lot' - that is PURE sarcasm and she is not thanking you at all. DO NOT say 'you're welcome'. That will bring on a 'whatever').

(8) "Whatever": Is a woman's way of saying Fuck YOU!

(9) "Don't worry about it, I got it": Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's wrong?' For the woman's response refer to # 3.

Happy birthday, Don Henley

Don Henley is 63-years-old today.

Don is two weeks younger than me. He's got looks, the talent and (presumably) all the benefits of a long and successful music career going back over 35 years.

This is my favorite song of Henley's, recorded in the 1980s while on hiatus from his usual band, The Eagles. In comparisons between the two of us, both born in the hot month of July 1947, all I can say that we have in common is we're both boys of summer.

So with that nifty intro, take it away, Don! Happy birthday!

Munchausen Syndrome

A special education teacher in Pennsylvania has been charged with 12 felony forgery counts. She falsified medical documents, including forging a doctor's signature, in order to gain medical leave for an "inoperable brain tumor." When confronted, she resigned. Leslie Herneisey, 51, had been a teacher for 25 years, and had been nominated for Teacher Of The Year twice.

This story sounded familliar to me when I read it, because at different times I worked with two women, Brenda and Ann, who did something similar. Both told coworkers they had cancer, they needed time off for surgery and/or chemo, and yet they weren't really ill. Not physically, anyway. After exposure as frauds both of them left the school district, but in the case of Ann, not by being fired. The school district human resources office was advised by their lawyers that the woman was diagnosed with a mental illness. It's against the Americans With Disabilities Act to let someone go for mental illness. A year after being exposed as a fake and abuser of medical leave policy Ann finally quit. The school district got lucky with that. But it makes you wonder, mental illness or not, what the hell was she thinking?

Like the Herneisey woman in Pennsylvania, the other woman, Brenda, told everyone she had an inoperable brain tumor. She told everyone she had only weeks to live, even describing in great detail what stages she would go through, and by August "she'd be dead." Of course she was showered with love and attention but August came, then September, then it was Christmas, and Brenda was still among the living. She announced that her doctor said the tumor had shrunk away to nothing; she didn't have cancer anymore! A miracle! Well, that was all too much for the human resources department who did a bit of investigating and found out Brenda never had cancer, brain tumor or otherwise. So, she agreed to leave. Several incidents she was involved in after she left showed the rest of us how disturbed she was.

I did a little Internet research and came up with some interesting articles on the subject:

From the article "Faking it: Pretending to have a serious illness for attention and reward." By Susan Cody.

". . . why on earth would anyone actually pretend to have a serious illness?

Some do it simply for profit. Others have a disorder called Munchausen Syndrome - a mental condition whereby people feign illness in order to gain attention, or money or profit in some other way. The payoff is usually tremendous for the people faking the illness. They get a sympathetic ear, constant attention, gifts, cards, emails, money and the time and energy of medical professionals. An area where this syndrome is growing is the Internet. Support groups for people with hundreds of different diseases and conditions are easily accessible and the payoff is often just as good – and actual - as in real life. People have been sent checks, money orders, clothing and supplies, as well as endless on line hugs, emails, letters and attention.

No dummies are they! People who fake these illnesses are actually quite smart. They are well-read in the areas of their “conditions” and know how to talk the talk. They know how they should sound, feel and look. They use medical terms and go as far as to shave their heads and eyebrows to prove that they are receiving treatment."

From Live Science "Why People Fake Illness" by Benjamin Radford

". . . Often, of course, there are mixed motivations, and the person faking illness has many reasons to keep up the pretense of being sick for as long as possible. Some people really do have a disease — not cancer but a mental illness known as a factitious disorder. People with this disorder pretend to have an illness (usually a terminal one) and often go to great lengths to maintain the hoax."

As disturbing as it can be to be fooled, in some ways I understand people who have these syndromes and need what they get by claiming cancer. To fake it would take a special kind of person, in desperate need of something.

In the eyes of the law these fakers, if they forge documents, make false insurance claims or accept money under false pretenses, are guilty of a crime. And I'm aware that some people are pulling confidence games and scams. But there are a percentage of people who claim these things who are mentally ill. It's criminalizing mental illness I disagree with.

Cancer is bad, cancer is scary; we even have a visceral reaction when we hear the word. I can't imagine faking cancer, but I can't imagine what it must be like to be in the particular mental state of some of those who do. If Herneisey just did it get out of work then throw the book at her; if she's got a factitious disorder then she needs help, and I hope she gets it.

"How religious were they?"

My brother and I are non-religious, as were our parents. My wife's family is mostly non-religious except for a couple of people who are evangelical types, born again Christians. I'm all right with that. I think people should find comfort and solace--or even answers to the age-old questions, "Why are we here?" and "What can I do to make life as painless as possible?"--where they can find answers. I just don't want them trying to convince me they have the answers for me.

I usually don't need answers because I don't have the questions. Being non-religious means I don't go looking for answers by any supernatural means.

Note I said non-religious and not atheist or agnostic. My personal feeling, based on dealings with some atheists is that they can approach their atheism with a religious fervor. In the same way a zealous Christian might try to convince me to bring Jesus into my life so do some atheists try to convince me there is no God. An agnostic is a person who doesn't know. I could fall into that category except that not only do I not know but I don't care. So I guess I'm more comfortable referring to myself as non-religious and letting it go at that.

Because this is America, where free expression of religion is allowed--as long as it doesn't involve human sacrifice, that is--many religious people like to mix their religion in with politics. I'm also all right with that, as long as they understand this is a secular nation, and the taxpayers don't have to support religion. But, these religious people say, our nation was founded on religious principles. Well, perhaps. The men who founded our country are very much a mixed bag when it comes to religion. To say they were all devout is misinformation by the patriotic religious people who propound such talk.

In a recent article in my local newspaper, "How religious were they?" some of the American founding fathers are examined. There were some very religious members of the group, Patrick Henry for instance. There were some for whom religion was more or less accepted, but not practiced. For instance, according to the article, George Washington ". . . was a Freemason who embraced a deistic view of God as Providence but rarely mentioned Jesus."

John Adams ". . . rejected the Trinity, the divinity of Christ, human depravity and predestination, like most deists, believed reason was a gift from God to find the truth."

Thomas Jefferson ". . . revered Jesus as a moral teacher but did not see himi as Son of God or Savior . . . but [Jefferson] regularly attended and liked church services."

Bejamin Franklin " . . .declared 'some doubts' about Jesus' divinity." He prudently contributed to every sect in Philadelphia, including a Jewish synagogue."

Sounds to me like Ben wanted to cover the bases.

Every time there is political turmoil in America, and there has been quite a bit in recent years, the religious right demands that America return to "Christian values," which are defined as being what they, the religious right, point to and say are the values. They like to point out to their congregations the Founding Fathers who they imbue with spirituality those FF's probably didn't have. But who cares? Most Americans couldn't name three Founding Fathers, much less know how religious they were.

When I see a cringe-inducing painting like the above, I'm reminded of the power of propaganda. Depicting Jesus with the constitution is implying it came to us through divinity. There wasn't anything divine about it; it was based, like most things, on human experience. What has worked in the past, what hasn't, and how can we improve the lot of our citizens without making them subjects? It ignores the fact that even though we had a constitution we didn't always believe what it says, especially if it disagreed with our personal prejudices. The Constitution and Declaration of Independence are the holy grails of freedom-loving Americans, but they were framed during a time when it was legal to own human beings.

The Founding Fathers were a group who had a lot to lose with a revolution, made a big gamble and luckily it turned out in their favor. They could have easily turned out footnotes in the history of the American colonies, hung for insurrection. That was a combination of a lot of factors that had little to do with divine intervention. Read some history or even watch the History Channel. When they tell the story of the American Revolutionary War Jesus doesn't show up anywhere.

As one of my friends said when we discussed all this, "How bad would we have it right now had we stayed under British control? How much worse would it be in this country?" His belief is that not much would be changed, as witness Canada and Australia, two great countries who seem to do just fine. It's a topic for another time.

Whither blogging?

Copyright © 2010 Parade Publications, Inc.

This Danny Shanahan cartoon was in the July 4, 2010 issue of Parade magazine, a Sunday newspaper supplement.

I've been a blogger for over four years, and have found that no matter what else is going on in my life, blogging provides an outlet. "Blog" has become an all-encompassing term. Originally it was "weblog," a diary kept online. The word "blog," nonsensical as it is, describes what I think of as a newspaper column online, written by non-professionals as well as professionals. If you travel far into the blogosphere you can find all sorts of blogs, from the most personal to the most general, and everything in between.

I've seen blogs that are nothing more than collections of photos, meaning nothing to anyone but the blog author and family or friends. I've seen blogs that have a strong political viewpoint, some that are outright rants. It's OK. I can't read them all--not enough hours in the day--but I love them all because I love the idea of them all, which is self-publishing.

When I was 14-years-old I published a magazine devoted to comics, printed on an old spirit duplicator my dad brought home. I found the idea of publishing my thoughts, my opinions, irresistible. There's something in some people that causes this, and the bug bit me early. The thing is, I never aspired to be a paying, published author. I never thought of going into newspaper work, or writing magazine articles for pay, or being a best-selling author. I just figured that was for other people who had the discipline or the ideas to work on paper. Even so, I used to study authors' methods. I remember reading that when Irving Wallace researched a novel he wrote everything on index cards and then pulled out the cards for reference. Some writers, like Harlan Ellison, could without planning sit down at his portable typewriter--once he did it while sitting in bookstore window--and come up with a salable story. I soon came to understand that whatever gets a writer going is fine; there is no set way to be creative.

It's been a long time since I was 14; I'm 63 now and retired. I was working when I started the blog, "Paranoia Strikes Deep," in 2006 and named it that because I was paranoid. I had a paranoid boss since 1988. I've said paranoia is catching, but it can go away, too, when you're not being infected by the paranoia bug around you. Retiring on January 1, 2009, made much difference in my mental health. Then I found out I had cancer and needed an operation. I got through that, and now I feel I've been through a couple of growing experiences. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. That old cliché is true.

Blogging is another thing to me: freedom of the press. When I was 14 and told people I wrote and published my own magazine one of the first questions I got asked was, "Do you need a license for that?" and I pointed out the first amendment. I was surprised, even at that age, to hear that question because I thought it was a given that Americans would know anyone can publish without having to ask for official permission.

So, whither blogging? I recommend it. I'd like to see everyone in the world who has access to a computer and the Internet do their own blog. It would be wonderful to know that everyone was sharing their thoughts with the wider world. The Internet has made it possible, and I'm grateful for it.

Get a blog!

Fourth of July

I'm borrowing from myself here; I originally showed this song, "Fourth of July," on November 11, 2009 for the occasion of singer-songwriter Dave Alvin's birthday.

The other day I was listening to a program on National Public Radio. I wish I'd caught the name of the woman speaking, but she went into a rhapsodic remembrance of the first time she heard this song. I had finally heard someone who appreciated it like I did.

On the Fourth of July, here's "The Fourth of July" by Dave Alvin from Austin City Limits:

The People Whisperer

Sally and I don't have a dog; we've never had one since we've been married, although I had a dog when I was growing up, and as a part-time business Sally pet sits for dog owners.

Still, I watch The Dog Whisperer with Cesar Millan on National Geographic Channel and enjoy the show. Millan, who is 41-years-old, came to the U.S. from Mexico as an illegal immigrant when he was 21. Jada Pinkett, now Jada Pinkett Smith, put him with an English tutor for a year, and the rest is history. He became a U.S. citizen, and his show has been the top show on NatGeo several times, even though it's been severely criticized by animal rights groups. Cesar is seen as an abuser by some for his training methods.

Personally, I don't see the show as being about training dogs. I see it as training people. Cesar has an innate ability to understand animals. Some people are like that. Temple Grandin, who is high functioning autistic, can understand how an animal feels, and makes a living using that skill. I don't think Cesar is autistic, but he does understand dogs. The problem is people, who think dogs are other people. We have a tendency to anthropomorphize animals, and they are just doing their doggy thing, looking at us people as being part of their pack. So Cesar teaches people to be pack leaders. The plan is to have the dog recognize them as dominant, and hopefully the dogs will fall in line. He tells people to be calm and assertive, to have good posture, to walk the dog every day. What's bad about any of that? Sounds good to me.

So The Dog Whisperer is really a misnomer...people love their dogs, but most don't have a clue how to raise or train dogs. The show should be called The People Whisperer. Cesar is talking to people, while demonstrating with the dog how the owners should act. By doing what he says he changes people behavior, and that in turn changes the behavior of their dogs.

******

This is Kim, who was with my family from 1956 to 1972. And yes, we made every mistake with Kim a dog owner could make. We didn't have the benefit of watching Cesar on TV.