"Most Beautiful"

After my last posting with the crazy high heels, a reader wrote to tell me she didn't like to buy really good shoes because her husband would ruin them by sticking his big feet in them and walking around the house. That sounds like a situation that shouts out for counseling. In the meantime here's some fiction I wrote a few years ago about such a situation. Re-reading it I realize I was retelling an old joke, but it fits the subject.


Tori walked into the bedroom just as Mike finished pulling on a pair of her pantyhose.

"I--I thought you'd be at work for another couple of hours," he stammered.

"Obviously," she answered. She sat on the edge of the bed, took a cigarette from her handbag. Mike stood uncomfortably. She could see the heat rising in him, his face as red as the burning tip of the cigarette. She took a deep drag.

"Well, this answers some questions I've had," she said. "Since I moved in with you I've noticed my underwear drawer seems awfully neat. I don't usually fold my panties. I've also noticed some of my pantyhose seem a little stretched out. I thought I must be getting fat."

Mike looked like he wanted to say something. He opened his mouth but closed it again without speaking.

"I guess this also answers my question of why you shave all your body hair, and why when we met, you made such a big deal out of us being the same height and overall size."

He moved to roll down the pantyhose but she stopped him.

"No, don't." She kicked off her shoes. "Try them on. They're new." They were open-toed red pumps, sling-backed with a 2" heel. He slipped into them and they fit. She unzipped her skirt and handed it to him. He stepped into the straight leather. It hit him just above the knee, like it did her. Then she took off her white blouse and her bra. She helped him put on the bra and then handed him the blouse.

When he was done she stepped back and looked at him.

"Wow. Those clothes fit you perfectly."

He had been holding his breath, then exhaled loudly. "I'm glad you like how I look in these clothes," he said. He started to unbutton the blouse.

"No, keep it." She went to the door and took her robe off the hook. Throwing it on she said, "Mike, I guess I should've known you were too good to be true."

He started to protest. "No," she said, "I'm going to leave. I'll be damned if I'm going to be with a man who looks better in my clothes than I do."

*****