Khalid complains

Terrorist Osama Bin Laden's son, Khalid, claims 30 of his siblings are being held prisoner in Iran.

An Associated Press article from March 16, 2010, says that Khalid is in his twenties. He claims his family is being held under house arrest by the Iranian government, ever since they cleared out of Afghanistan ahead of the American military forces. Well, la-de-da, Bin Laden!

First of all, Khalid, the fact you have 30 siblings is startling enough, until I remembered that your daddy is a polygamist who kept a bunch of wives busy having babies. That happens when you're a rich man with nothing better to do than screw his women and plan the deaths and destruction of innocent people.

Khalid, you complaining little piece of shit, I thought about your papa just a few days ago in the Pittsburgh airport when I was getting ready to fly home. I had to stand in front of a gimlet-eyed security guard who scrutinized my boarding pass and my driver's license. I, and the hundreds of other passengers in line, had to send carry-on bags, jacket and laptop through an x-ray machine so people I don't know can peek at what's in my personal luggage, and to make sure I wasn't carrying any bombs or weapons. Weapons like box cutters, which 19 men, at the direction of your father, sent to kill crew members of airplanes. Those murdering zealots flew those airplanes into the World Trade Center, killing thousands of additional innocents. For no real reason, either, at least none that any sane or rational person can come up with.

After clearing a metal detector to make sure I wasn't hiding any box cutters or pocket knives in my clothes or in my anus I had to collect the stuff that had cleared the x-ray security. While the hundreds of people lined up behind me kept my stress level high I put on my shoes, retrieved my laptop, belt--by this time my pants were falling off and I was doing all of this with one hand gripping my waistband--and reassemble everything just so I could get on a routine flight.

So, Khalid, whilst busily engaged, once again I was reminded that in a perverse way your dad won. Yes, you read me right: Your father, may the camels chew his privates, won. His band of perverted pirates has won, because it has made it necessary for us on the other end to spend billions of dollars of taxpayer money on security, give up our privacy and jump through hoops just to get on an airplane to go anywhere.

Khalid, I've got no love for the deranged, religious, repressive idiots that govern Iran, but if they're keeping you and your brothers and sisters under lock and key somewhere in their country then that's the one thing I think they're doing right. Maybe they'll be merciful and release all of you so you can attend your daddy's funeral after American forces shoot him full of a few thousand bullets.

Every time I go through one of these demeaning security lines at an airport I'll be thinking of you and your siblings, Khalid, and of course, your fucking father.