Saturday, January 19, 2013

Who cares about the Second Amendment? The real reason we love our guns!

To listen to the NRA leaders who find their way onto our news programs every day you’d think that millions of NRA members, and even other gun owners who don’t belong to that organization, sit around all day thinking about the U.S. Constitution and their right to own guns. Bull-oney. The only reason anyone cares about the Second Amendment is because it allows them to buy, own and carry really cool weapons.

Pandering by Postino…a beautiful bubble-butt babe and an awesome gun. What could be sweeter than a sweetie stroking her Bushmaster?

Guns are fun, guns are scary, guns are sexy. That broadens their appeal. Guns are also phallic, and if there is anything a guy loves more than his dick I’d like to know about it. Guns also make loud noises and they put holes in things like targets and people. Got a buddy you need to impress? Haul out your new gun and watch his eyes gleam with envy and gun-lust. Got someone you need to scare shitless? Do the same thing to an enemy.

So to the NRA, quit talking like we give a damn about what someone said about guns over 200 years ago. Just go on camera and say, “We don’t want anyone to take away our guns because we love them. We fondle them, we clean them and oil them. We sleep with them. We love the sensual feel of cold steel, we love it when a gun gets feisty and bucks in our hand when we’re shooting it.” My message to the NRA: The Second Amendment is all well and good and sounds important, but just tell it like it really is.

 Patriotism is a bikini-clad hottie, a flag, a huge weapon; it's an image that brings tears to an American’s eyes.

A common reason given for gun ownership is self defense. A person wants a gun because he lives in a bad neighborhood. There are those who live in a good neighborhood and want guns to protect themselves from gun owners who live in bad neighborhoods. As far as I can tell, there are different types of gun owners who have reasons for loving their guns that go far beyond their “rights” or practical reasons. Besides those for whom a gun is a second penis, there are people who collect firearms like others collect stamps.

It's mostly not mentioned, but there are people out there, and you know who you are, who want to be heroes. They want to be the guy in the situation where someone is shooting innocent people, and they can whip out their gun and put the bad guy down. They dream of their heroic actions bringing them fame and glory.

My nipples would stand up, too, waiting for someone to come through the door I can put a round in!

There are also people, and you also know who you are, who want to catch someone breaking into their house and shoot them. They want to find out what it feels like to shoot someone and not only get away with it, but praised. Like 22-year-old Joseph Kelley, whose picture was taken by a shopper at a Weber County (Utah) J.C. Penney store, carrying an AR-15 and a concealed Glock 19C. He said he did it to prove that guns can be carried by honest citizens, and then he claimed he was protecting folks from “criminals, cartels, drug lords and other evil men.”

 The hell with the cops! We need a protector like Joe “Machine Gun” Kelley!

Joe’s the kind of guy we need leading the NRA to replace the dweebish Wayne LaPierre. Joe represents the kind of person the NRA appeals to, and I’m not ashamed to admit I share this state with such a brave person. I feel glad he is willing to risk ridicule and the fearful looks on the faces of bystanders to protect me and my fellow Utahns from evil men. Not only that, the gun makes him look sexy, wouldn’t you say? I think any of the above hot chicks with weapons would be all over that gun-totin’ dude!


Kirk said...

When I hold you in my arms (oh yes)
When I feel my finger on your trigger (oh yes)
I know nobody can do me no harm
happiness is a warm gun, momma
Happiness is a warm gun
-Yes it is.
Happiness is a warm, yes it is...
Well don't ya know that happiness is a warm gun, momma? (yeah)

--John Lennon

Postino said...

Yes, Kirk, beautifully put by a master word/songsmith. Lennon had the American gun-psyche down when he wrote it. I wonder if any of those all-American bullet-headed Saxon mother's sons recognized themselves in "Happiness is a warm gun"? Bang-bang, shoot-shoot!

DEMiller said...

Well put. I have found that many people who talk about their gun rights, don't even shoot them. Usually they are wives and daughters of the man of the house who glorifies them. I was raised in a gun loving family and loved shooting them myself many times. I never glorified them or thought of them as anything more than a sport. The whole thing has changed. I never would have believed that owning a gun for hunting ducks would mean we should also have a right to own assault weapons.